Posted by ElaineM on August 26, 2006, at 23:19:27
In reply to Re: late this night » ElaineM, posted by llrrrpp on August 26, 2006, at 22:22:23
>>>>>I'm sorry that we only interact over p-babble. I'd bring you ice cream, and we'd watch DVD's and be silly together. If you felt up to it, we could even go to the mall or the gym or throw a bbq picnic.
How about the zoo? I used to love going there but I can't walk that far now. I liked bringing my digital and taking pics of the animals -- koala's and polar bears. And flamingos -- they're my favorite.
>>>>>I *thought* that maybe you weren't letting them help you, because you were ashamed of yourself, or perhaps because you didn't want them to worry about you.
Yes, people have wondered that before. My T says that I won't allow people to help me -- that I refuse attempts at interacting and connecting in meaningful ways. So maybe I do do it sometimes.
>>>>>>But just because your parents didn't give you what every baby deserves doesn't mean that others cannot love you too.
That's actually my biggest fear -- that if my parents can't love me no one will. I think that's why I have such a wide definition of affection. Love starts expanding into the abuse and violence range. I want proof that somebody cares so badly -- that it's worth being around in the world, and so I interpret anything that comes my way as love and caring. That's probably why I like being treated bad. Yep, my brain is definately wired backwards.
>>>>>>My BEST friends from college call me about once a year, tops. I have no ED, so no hospitalization or anything to blame for increasing distance between once close friends. It's a condition of modern living
I try and remember that I'm definately not unique that way :-) It's one of the things I'm actually able to accept -- that others suffer this too. So do you have many friends now, or do people just make acquantences each job? I didn't really socialize much during my teens. I don't know how to do it as an adult.
>>>>>>Well, sometimes I don't feel up to answering posts on some topics. I just don't know what to say, or I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. Or I'm afraid of writing something generic
I completely understand that. I would never want you to feel forced to respond. (You know that's not what I meant before, right?) I'm just happy when anyone does that's all :-) Plus, it's not anyone's responsibility to baby-sit me. And I don't respond to alot of things myself too.
>>>>>>I've tried to stay away from talking about your relationship with your T, for instance.
I've never noticed you intentionally doing it. But I realize that it's such a terribly taboo subject. I'm sorry that that's what I bring to the board. I can't help it. (though I know you're not asking for an apology.) I'd never want to hurt others. Or offend them. Or make others think I'm stupid or gross by saying what my life consists of these days. I wish I didn't have to bring my garbage here. I was so happy to find here that I didn't think about the nature of what I needed to talk about. Anyways, I'm trying to accept that this is something that not alot of people can identify with IRL, I guess -- I mean, the center counsellor couldn't get it. Even LadyDoctor had to try so hard to understand. I'm glad that others have not been in the same situation, or have moved beyond it -- but also sad for myself. Alone again. Self-centered, huh.
Honestly, does it offend you (or something like that) when I talk about my T? I just want to know so badly -- either way.
Keep up the flossing too -- the other outcome is even less fun! But as I remember, you know that yourself ;-)
EL
poster:ElaineM
thread:680048
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/680416.html