Posted by Jost on June 15, 2006, at 1:24:54
In reply to Re: the decision » Dinah, posted by wishingstar on June 14, 2006, at 11:45:43
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> I'm considering calling my current T today, but I cant decide. I'm very afraid that she'll say no, or that her tone will say no at least. This woman has boundaries like no one I have ever seen before. And secondly, I guess I really havent forgiven her or rebuilt the trust after she didnt call when she said she would during my crisis a month or so ago. Asking for anything outside sessions is VERY scary... I'd rather just not have it than have it be refused.
Hi, wishingstar. I've been thinking about your situation a lot and I really resonate with what you say about how hard it is to ask, when your T has boundary issues.I saw one T for about 9 months who was like that. It was not a helpful experience.
Partly I was going through a rough time, and partly, there was something about him that elicited this desperation about not getting enough-- Some people do that w/me. It's partly them, partly me-- I'm super-sensitive to people's fear of being needed, of not having control over the other person's need-- like they can't stand it, or so it feels.
And I wouldn't have asked him in a million years for extra time, or phone calls--I had this phantasy that he would expel me from his presence in disgrace--.like the sky would open up and thunderbolts and lightening would pour down.
So I do resonate with the feeling that it's hard to ask a T who's specially uncomfortable about the tightness of boundaries, or afraid to let things spill over the safe, predetermined closure of the hour.
On one hand, I want to tell you to ask, with the thought that your T could accept and support you. But not every T can-- I hope yours can, though.
If not, maybe your old T can help you sort this out, what you need and what you can get, and why your T didn't come through for you, and leaves you feeling afraid to ask for something so reasonable, as phone calls, mail, or extra appointments over a long separation, if you need them to sustain the connection.
Even if your current T couldn't do something-- it's not good to feel that you aren't "allowed" to want it, and to ask.
Jost.
poster:Jost
thread:656138
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/657150.html