Posted by wishingstar on June 13, 2006, at 16:53:58
In reply to no more therapy for 2+ months, posted by wishingstar on June 12, 2006, at 19:52:38
... or lack of decision, that is.
I saw my T today. It was one of those sessions that feels like it never really got started, you know? We talked about several things but nothing of any depth.
About halfway through the session, she brought up the fact that it was the last one for awhile and asked if I'd decided what I wanted to do. We talked about the options. Basically, we decided to leave it open for now on whether or not I'll drive to see her or see my old T (or neither). I was hoping that she'd give me some indication at all that she thought I should keep coming, but she really didnt. She also didnt suggest phone sessions, so neither did I. I figure she'd have suggested it if she was willing to do it. I guess it's possible she would have said yes, but I'm not good on the phone anyway, so thats okay. So at the end of my session, she basically just asked to make sure I have her card (I must have 100 of them) and said to give her a call if I decide I want to come in. I wish she'd said I could call if I needed to talk.. she has never said that calling is ok.. but again, oh well. It's a lesson in asking for the things I need, I guess.
I really didnt feel like she understood how hard this is for me. I really tried my best to tell her. She knows its difficult, but I really dont think she understood. It left me again feeling like she's not the right T for me. I get that feeling so often, maybe I need to listen to it... but I know she cares too, and that is so important.
I was in tears by the time I hit the front door of the "house" (my Ts office is in an old house turned into a therapy center. she's on the 3rd floor.) Hopefully no one in the waiting room saw me. I almost turned back and walked right back into her office, to show her how sad I really was.. so she'd tell me it'd be okay.. but it wouldnt have been appropriate.
Right now, I'm leaning towards seeing my old T bi-weekly and trying to keep some connection with current T by maybe writing her letters every other week just to tell her how I'm doing. I'm going to call her later to ask if that's okay with her. I think it's the best I can do.
This just hurts. It hurts a lot. Sometimes I really do hate therapy.
poster:wishingstar
thread:656138
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/656481.html