Posted by happyflower on April 4, 2006, at 20:38:06
In reply to Re: It is so hard and scarey, please help me » happyflower, posted by gardenergirl on April 4, 2006, at 16:59:20
I got in, I think he might have worked me in, I think he could tell I was very serious about needing to talk to him. I usually don't go into details on the phone, he keeps phone calls short and to the point, but he knows by now I don't call unless it is important.
But I am really scared of talking to him about all of this. I don't know how to even start about this all, I normally don't have problems talking to him, but I am so so so scared of opening up myself into the the inner depts of my feelings. I know he will be good to me, I trust him, but to me this is the ultimate trust test for me. I feel like I am exposing how pathetic I truly am and I am scared of telling such personal intermost thoughts and feelings. I know I am a good person deep down, but I feel like I am drowning in sadness and it is so hard to fight for everything in my life. I am tired of fighting for happiness and love, why do others automatically get this from birth but yet others yearn for anyone at all to care during their life. How can he possiably understand because he didn't have a childhood like mine, he is loved by family and friends.
It seems like all the stuff I am doing which I admit it makes me happy doing this stuff, but it doesn't cover up the huge void I feel in my life. It isn't enough, I want to be loved, appreciated, and cared about by someone special which should be my husband, but he has deceided someone else can fill his needs better than me. Getting dumped really hurts. I have been dumped on my whole life, why it is so hard for someone to love me? What am I doing so wrong?
poster:happyflower
thread:628310
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060325/msgs/628921.html