Posted by happyflower on April 3, 2006, at 14:44:42
Yup, he had me first thing today. Lucky him. All was fine until he asked me how I am feeling compaired to last year. I said I am no longer scared, but I am very sad.
Then we got into how I feel nobody has ever really cared about me, how love is just an illusion, how everyone eventually sh*ts on me, and how some people are lucky and some are like me unlucky. Yes, the good stuff I am doing is only keeping my head above water, really it just covers up my pain of my life. Yes, I am happyflower, but really I am sadflower with a mask. Maybe I let my T see behind that mask today for the first time. I could tell he was really stuggling to say something to me, but everything he could say, I could conterreact with yeah, well this is what I have learned from my life exerience.
I don't know maybe people who do great things in life are the ones who have suffered the most. Maybe it makes us strong. But it is getting hard to keep fighting some days. Yes, I am happier than last year, but that is very relative, maybe I should say I am less sad than last year, maybe the would be more accurate.
Living in a loveless marriage sucks, living a loveless childhood sucks too. When will happyflower get some happiness and love? Or will I die alone like I was when I came into this world?
So can you I wonder if my T regrets asking me how I am feeling. Well now he knows. Yes, I can do lots of good things but underneath it all I am just a sad flower wanting love and a hug.
poster:happyflower
thread:628310
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060325/msgs/628310.html