Posted by Daisym on April 4, 2006, at 23:50:09
In reply to I am going to bed, I hope sleep comes my way, posted by happyflower on April 4, 2006, at 21:31:48
I hope you fell asleep and slept all night. I agree with Dinah and GG, your therapist probably was thinking, "finally!" I read somewhere that therapy begins working when the truth gets told. This includes to yourself. I'm going to suggest that you park your ego and pride at the door and tell your inner truth. I know those things have kept you safe from too much hurt, but they are protecting you now from help.
You said you don't know how to start, what to say, how to dive in. You just begin in the middle. You will go back, you will look ahead and you will wander all around. Essentially you say, "I feel sad. I feel cheated. I want to matter. I hurt. I hurt a lot." And you try like hell not to throw in, "but I'll be OK." :) I always do that...old habit. It is also OK to say, "I need you to help me with this because it is so hard and I don't know how or what you need to hear." I think one of the hardest things about letting someone close enough to see the ugly stuff is actually letting them see the ugly stuff. We immediately tell ourselves that they aren't going to like us anymore, they will dread hearing from us, etc. We also have to give up a lot of fantasy in order to be so honest. But it is worth it.
My therapist would say, "who doesn't want to be special? And who doesn't deserve to be?" You definitely do. I hope you have a good session. But remember, it is a beginning. A baby step. You can't expect it all to be "fixed" right away. Give yourself permission and time to really get it all out.
poster:Daisym
thread:628310
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060325/msgs/629029.html