Posted by happyflower on April 4, 2006, at 5:22:29
In reply to Re: I think I started my T's week off bad, posted by Gee on April 3, 2006, at 15:21:02
I know my T is happy with my progress, and I have made a lot of it in some areas, but there is still some underlining things that are still affecting me. My rejection I am feeling from my marriage is killing me, I thought he was one I could trust to love me, but love doesn't last forever I guess, people change. But it hurts neverless.
I guess I only have let my husband and babble sometimes see the very tender vunerable parts of me. Now I have opened up that cover a little bit more for my T to see. I wonder if his head is spinning thinking what the heck? I think you can still be in a lot of pain and still operate a normal looking life, even a good one, at least on the outside. I have done this all my life, I would make a great acctress, ya know. I think I might have even fooled my T a little bit, but with him, I just can't keep up the act. It pains me to hear him talk about all the progess I am doing, but inside I am hurting so bad. Yes, the good happy side that he sees a lot, the side that is making huge progress socially, personally, and professionally is still me, but it isn't all of me. I still am hurting so much from my marriage, the only thing that is keeping my head above the water is my kids, and the happy side of me that is doing happy stuff. But it is so scarey to show the innermost depts of yourself to someone, I have only done this with my DH so far in my life, and now I don't have him. But yet I feel like I can do this with my T , I trust him completelty. I didn't ever think that would happen, but now I am scared. I let him take a peek of a very disturbed side of me, the side that doesn't feel loved or cared about, effects from my childhood I am sure. Now I feel I want to run away from it, because of the pain but in a way I want to call my T and make an appointment sooner so I can talk about this. I am torn, do I want to open that final lock to my inner pain that I have? Will he be able to help me? What should I do? He knows when I call to make another appointment, it ususally is something that is very important, and it a good session. Sometimes it seems like the my best sessions are the ones that are extra, the ones I call to get in whenever he has an opening. I think I should call, what do you think?
poster:happyflower
thread:628310
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060325/msgs/628579.html