Posted by crushedout on January 24, 2006, at 1:01:33
I don't think I post about this much anymore, but even though it's been over a year since I last saw her, I still think of my old T all the time and I miss her pretty badly. I still long for her. I still think I'm basically in love with her. It hasn't gone away.It's very hard. It's confusing. I mean, I'm mad at her for what she put me through. I think she was self-absorbed and irresponsible. But I think I could forgive her and I just want to see her, know her, know how she is, talk to her. I've been restraining myself now for fifteen months from contacting her. I've talked about this consisently with my new T, but it just doesn't go away, and we only cover the same ground over and over, like broken records. There's no point in talking about it anymore. It solves nothing.
Sometimes I do wonder: was this just true love? But everyone who has experienced erotic transference wonders that, so how on earth can we really ever know?
I guess I'm just thinking out loud. I'm feeling wistful, and sad, and I miss my old T. I want to call her up and see her. My life has been gray since she left it.
poster:crushedout
thread:602296
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/602296.html