Posted by JenStar on January 19, 2006, at 23:25:18
In reply to a different kind of therapy now, posted by Voce on January 19, 2006, at 22:49:15
Voce, congrats on the upcoming marriage! That's exciting. :) I know lots of couples who did church pre-marital counseling and got a lot out of it, including a close friend.
Here's my advice: Part of being a good church counselor is helping the couple to feel comfortable. When a couple is fully comfortable with the counselor and the process, they can really open up to each other.
If for any reason you're NOT comfy with this guy, would it be OK to ask for someone who doesn't know your dad so well? Do you trust this guy?
I can tell that you're NOT comfy with him, totally, because you're asking the question here. Nobody is perfect, not priests, not counselors, etc. If you don't think this guy is 100% trustworthy, or that he might not be the right person with whom to disclose family history because it might be "weird", then don't do it.
I mean, pre-marital counseling is a service the church provides. It's not a sacrament mandated by the bible -- it's a VOLUNTARY thing. If you're starting to feel pressured into disclosing things you shouldn't/don't want to, or if you're talking about personal family stuff that doesn't feel right, then don't do it.
A counselor is NOT a priest, and as such, is not necessarily privy to personal facts. He's not a therapist, who has taken an oath to protect your privacy. He's not a doctor or lawyer, who has legal precedent to protect your privacy. He's just a person (hopefully a good one!) who may be charismatic and a good listener...but it's ok to protect your personal life nonetheless.
It's certainly OK to say, "I will talk about this later with my fiancee in private; however, I'm not comfortable talking about these details with anyone but him. I'm sorry but I won't budge on this, and I hope you will support me and understand this."
I may be making too much of this, of course. It's just that I value my privacy, and I'm pretty careful about whom I tell private things to. It's OK for you to do the same, if that is what feels right!
good luck! keep us updated on what you decide to do!
JenStar
poster:JenStar
thread:600910
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/600925.html