Posted by fallsfall on January 16, 2006, at 20:52:13
In reply to She did BUMP me!!!, posted by annierose on January 16, 2006, at 10:46:30
What I'm going to say here is not what you want to hear.
I know that you are justifiably hurt. She made a bad mistake, and her mistake hurt you. Your hurt is justified, and your anger is justified.
Yet, I agree with her that *some* of your feelings sound a little old to me. Like the intensity sounds old. The feelings themselves seem very understandable, but a bit intense.
>T: If you weren't able to change, I wasn't going to take away your appointment time.
>Me:
That's not what you said.*** She also didn't say that you would need to cut back on your sessions. She didn't say one way or the other. She asked if you could change. You **interpreted** it as that there wasn't a choice - that you were no longer allowed to come at that time (a reasonable interpretation - but perhaps not the ONLY reasonable interpretation). There was stuff left unsaid, and you filled in one set of reasonable conclusions while she filled in a different set.
>I guess I'm the disposable client. You feel you can just move my time around and in Tuesday's case, not even write it down or remember it. Like I don't matter. I don't even want to come on that Thursday appointment now. Just cancel that session.>T: I can see why you feel so hurt. But you are not disposable. Your feelings are so intense around this issue because that is how you felt with your family, like you didn't matter, your needs were not important
>Me: Oh, isn't that convenient. Instead of owning your responsilbility, just blame everything on my past.
>T: I did make a mistake. I'm sorry. Try to understand if your work schedule changed, I would do the same for you.
*** She is owning her mistake here. She knows that she was wrong to forget to write down your Tuesday appointment. She is not saying that she had no part in your pain. What I see her saying is that your pain might not be so intense if your past was different. I don't see her saying that you would have *NO* pain if your past was different, nor that your past is responsible for your pain.
*** Can you identify *what* it is that is hurting you? Is it that she tried to rearrange her schedule in general? Is it that she forgot to write down the Tuesday appointment? Is it that she doesn't understand why you are so upset? Do you believe that she would sacrifice your therapy for someone else's?
For me, it makes a difference to see that my therapist made "reasonable" assumptions, and for him to see that I also made "reasonable" assumptions. It also has helped me to see exactly how he DID see it (which means that I have to be patient enough to listen to him interpret our conversations differently than the way that *I* KNOW it was. It is very hard to be patient when I am so angry). I guess that helps me to see that he wasn't trying to be horrid/cruel/mean.
Here's hoping that the two of you can work this through soon.
poster:fallsfall
thread:598755
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/599802.html