Posted by allisonross on December 14, 2005, at 14:33:50
In reply to Re: scapegoating + please be civil » allisonross, posted by Dr. Bob on December 14, 2005, at 10:33:56
> > As a child, I fought back constantly agains the abuse. I asked my sister "why was I the scapegoat?" She said: "Because you would never shut up!"
>
> I'm not saying you should shut up,What is the purpose in saying that ...Why even mention it, then?
Why would you even suggest that? I was speaking of something very sensitive here.
but I do wonder if you're becoming a scapegoat here...
Why do you say this?
If you wonder about this,
why haven't you done something? (I have no idea what it is that you would do)
(I won't be readintg the response, either on babble or if I get any personal mail.
If I am "their scapegoat". it is because of "their" stuff. Nothing to do with me. Obviously they have some major issues (especially when I make a joke not referring to ANYONE, and someone says they are hurt. Everyone chooses their behavior.
--
> > > > Perhaps I will decide to stay, to just see how many other tornadoes I can cause!
> > > >
> > > > Just jokin' everyone, just jokin here!!
> > >
> > > I understand that was a joke. But I wonder why you chose to make it.
> >
> > See, this is more criticism...It WAS a criticism.!!!
So, because I didn't say I...feel criticized when I hear this, I get a message?
In other words everything has to be exact and precise, or someone is sent a message, blocked or scolded. This place feels like grade school, with a lot of time-outs.
Hey, they are YOUR rules, and you can do what you want, but i cannot be part of what I see as criticism, abuse and confusion.
>
> Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused. Referring to their posts as criticism could lead them to feel accused of being critical.This is a BIZARRE statement.
I endured a firestorm of criticism, and responded to all of it----I should have known better; (and....I did it with dignity)
Validating it was a mistake, and that was what I was doing.---Explaining myself over and over; just like in 31 years of abuse. Validating something that never should have been responded to........responding to criticism....validates it.
If someone is criticizing you (or it FEELS like that, you are saying not to use the word criticism?! This is double-talk, double-speak, group-think, and now I know why it is called psycho----
. If you feel/see that I am being criticized and a "scapegoat" why in the world would you tell ME not to say anything that others could feel criticized by, when I (underline I) am the one being criticized?!
In my whole life Fifty-Nine years, I have NEVER been accused of being critical, insensitive, etc.
I have NEVER been told I was not civil. I have class and tact (I have been told all of my life).
I counsel abused women; I am excruciatingly CAREFUL with my words. I am an "expert" in verbal/physical and spiritual abuse.
It tends to be more civil to talk about how you feel than what someone else did. For example, use an I-statement like "I feel criticized". For more about the wording of I-statements, see:
I am a counselor; I know these things.
And I (underline the word, I) was the one to say what you just said.....above. I....am the one who posted a message about words: Is it necessary? Will it uplift someone? Is it kind, etc.....Does it need to be said? Now?.!?
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040112/msgs/320097.html
>
> Follow-ups regarding civility should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above posts, should of course themselves be civil.i am a member (for years) of AS--abused survivors, and it is an incredible place of safety, sensitivity and understanding. Never ONCE, has anyone said anything to EVER make me feel criticized. There is NONE of what goes on here......in that group, that is why I was so stunned.
I thought this place would be the same. I am shocked and deeply disturbed (as....a counselor) to see what goes on here.
This is not a safe place.
I understand why others have left...what a shame. This seems to be a place of criticism, confusion, chaos...and censorship!!
..I just left 31 years of an abusive marriage; and am trying to heal.
This place set me back, but fortunately, beause of my unbelievable resilience in life and my faith, wicked wit AND sense of humor, I have survived and thrived....and I am....an overcomer and wounded healer
This will be my last post....it is shocking to hear you say it seems I "might be becoming a scapegoat".......If you have been reading what has been said to me, why did you not step in sooner?
My triumph over a lifetime of horrfic abuse will be my book: Ghost Child To Triumph (from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice in the world)
I have TWO major publishers interested, and am very excited to see what will happen next.
I must leave this chaos behind. If anyone wants to privately e-mail me: wacalice@aol.com
I won't be reading the response to this, or any other mails;
I simply CANNOT and WILL NOT be subjected to what has gone on hear (by a few); some have been lovely.
Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results (like I have been doing here, by repeatedly putting myself in harm's way by reading all of the messages directed to me)
is insanity. I don't "live" there anymore.
I must get back to healing; I was doing amazingly well ("thriving"!! as my t put it)
Everyone constructs their own versions of reality; my reality is tht I was criticized (therefore, abused---even more; in a SUPPORT????? group....How unconsciounable)
This place is definitely not a place for self-definition.
Yes, this IS a criticism.
It should be taken seriously; what is going on here is dangerous (that is MY construction).
Overcomer and wounded-healer
>
> Bob
poster:allisonross
thread:587729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/589048.html