Posted by fallsfall on December 10, 2005, at 17:09:20
In reply to Re: Will my words diminish dreams ,spirits of another? » fallsfall, posted by allisonross on December 10, 2005, at 16:37:55
> > I did wonder about your life now. You tell us about your past in a very factual way (I don't hear much emotion about your past).
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> Perhaps because a looooong time ago, I did my homework at processing all that had happened to me, and made peace with it. There are some things one never "gets over" but from my perspective, just learn to live with, and is a part of your life.
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> Fortunately, I have a resilient spirit.
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> And since you don't talk much about your life now,
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> I did that my mentioning my divorce and that I am alone after 31 years of abusive marriage; it has only been 5 months. Perhaps you didn't see that.
>*** OK, here is where my confusion comes in... You just said that there isn't much emotion because you have already processed your past. So one question I have is, if you have already processed your past, and if it isn't significant to you now (because you have come to terms with how you will deal with it in your life), then why do you bring it up and tell us about it?
*** Yes, I did see that you were divorced after 31 years. I left my husband after 19 years. It is a BIG deal to spend so much time with someone and then have that all change. But when you told us about your past, your divorce was just another thing in the list of things from your past. I guess I didn't see anything that said that you were CURRENTLY suffering from that any more than the other things you talk about. Maybe I wasn't reading carefully enough, but I didn't "hear" that the divorce had an ongoing impact on you. I mean, of course, a divorce is going to have an ongoing impact on you - but you seemed to have it all under control. So it didn't seem like you needed anything from me.
*** I would be interested to hear how it is impacting you. Are you living alone? Do you have IRL friends who you spend time with? Are you relieved to be away from your ex? Do you miss him at the same time? What are you trying to do to aleviate the loneliness? Is it working? How are you trying to cope with it? Is that working? Many of us on Babble are lonely. Some are alone, some feel alone even when surrounded by lots of people. There are people here who will relate to your loneliness. But it is hard to relate to "Divorced after 31 years of abusive marriage" - am I making any sense?
Want to know what my identity is? I am a dancer, singer, writer...born that way.
*** Yes, this is what I want to know. These seem to fit you because you do seem to be outgoing, and dancing, singing, and writing are all ways of baring your soul.
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> I think the only struggle is the healing from the divorce. I HATE being alone (abandoment issues)*** Many of us will relate to abandonment issues, too. Did you leave your husband, or did he leave you? I find it so interesting that either way, you could feel abandoned. Abandonment is an incredibly complex feeling. What does it mean to you? Do you understand those feelings, or are they confusing to you?
>My t (at times) has bent the boundaries; it is something I should address
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> but not ready to do that right now.*** No rush. We have lots of time to get to know each other.
poster:fallsfall
thread:587729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/587852.html