Posted by Susan47 on November 10, 2005, at 23:32:07
In reply to Re: Happyflower, posted by happyflower on November 10, 2005, at 9:24:13
> Hey! I am still here, my mind is still in a bit of a fog from last night concert. But I am going to take this slow. There is a lot to consider about all of this, and I am not one to make fast decisions on all of this.
> I don't feel like I am being used, I actually feel good about all of this. I will tell him my feelings when I am ready to do it and when I am certain exactly what it is I am feeling. I do know for sure is that I like him a lot and enjoy his company a lot. If we were both single, it would be a great start to a relationship. But we aren't so it is very complicated.I just wonder how often therapists fall into the trap of encouraging romantic feelings in clients, without meaning to. I think perhaps it would be unprofessional of any therapist to know a client felt this way, and not to approach this issue directly, head-on, in therapy. I mean, how can the relationship be therapeutic if one of you has undisclosed romantic feelings for the other? In real life this doesn't work. I mean, say for instance I had a crush on a guy at work and he was married and we flirted but this man goes home to his Other every day and has sex with her and is intimate and does things with her that fulfill the both of them together, but he comes to work and flirts with the office girls, me being one of them. And say the office girls are unfulfilled themselves, and they look forward to seeing this guy and flirting with him, they fantasize about him and the more they see him the worse it gets for them, but even though he sees this as harmless flirting, because their lives aren't as personally fulfilled, they it as much more.
It's not right. And personally when it happened with this therapist, it made me crazy and extremely angry.
These feelings might just be a result of the particular relationship you have with your therapist, and I think the danger lies partly in thinking the relationship can be expanded. You kind of have a built-in hazard because you actually see him outside of work, at the track or the gym, and that's encouraging a feeling of familiarity. I see your therapist beginning to behave unprofessionally. That doesn't mean it would work, were the two of you to have a relationship outside therapy. In fact it would likely hurt both of you, probably you more than him. So just be careful.
But I know it's fun, I know it does fabulous things for your feelings of self-worth to get attention from this intelligent, sensitive, attractive and caring man. Someone who knows some of the deepest things about you. But do you know the deepest things about him?
Having a relationship outside therapy could be harmful just because you've come to him entrusting him not to reject you, trusting that he will accept and cherish the deepest parts of you. If you had a relationship that were to end, the good might be obliterated.
Just be careful, honey.
Remember that he has this type of relationship with many people. It's his job to understand, it's his job to be empathetic, and it's his job to make a connection so that he can help you.
Help being the operative word.
Don't stop posting about this and don't stop being excited about your opportunities in life, and about your attractiveness and sensuality and anything else positive that this man brings to you. But remember to be strong as well, inside yourself, and work on building your self-esteem irrespective of how this ends up. You have a lot of other things going on in your life so I feel you will be fine with this and enjoying the flirtation while it lasts likely won't be harmful.
poster:Susan47
thread:575457
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/577636.html