Posted by Tamar on November 7, 2005, at 16:33:36
In reply to I'm afraid (slight trigger), posted by daisym on November 7, 2005, at 1:28:20
Oh Daisy, I’m sorry things have been so hard. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling afraid. And I’m very sorry that you had to cancel your therapy appointment.
> And sex has triggered all the different parts of me in so many different ways. I should have said no, but I still don't know how.
Maybe it takes practice. If you’re not used to saying no, it’s hard to know how to begin. But you *are* allowed to say no. And if it’s hard to imagine saying no outright, is it possible to imagine negotiating for sexual activities you might find less triggering (if there are any)? Before I was married I was frequently afraid to say no to sex, but eventually I learned it was easier for me if I gave the guy a hand-job instead of penetrative sex. And eventually I figured out that (the way I see it) sex should be something that’s offered rather than demanded. It should be an overture rather than a requirement. Of course, if you never like it then perhaps it’s hard to see it that way… Can you talk to your therapist about ways of saying no to sex?
I hope you hear from your therapist soon and that you get to see him. I know that restarting conversations is hard. Can you pick one thing you want to talk about and think about ways of getting into it? Maybe if you can find a way to talk about one thing, another will seem possible.Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:576259
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/576463.html