Posted by gardenergirl on June 26, 2005, at 21:31:19
In reply to Re: T comment about Babble » gardenergirl, posted by Tamar on June 26, 2005, at 15:24:15
I consolidated all of my replies into one post. I hope that's not too confusing. Seems like this topic hit a bit of a nerve. Should I print out everyone's replies and bring them in? Tee hee.
>>>Sleepy: “I've done different things after therapy appointments have left me with "something brewing" like leave messages on my T's answering machine, write in my journal, make art-sometimes I will share these with my T (usually)"
I haven’t tried writing. I’ve never been a journaller. But there are times when something happens and I am afraid it might “go away” before I get to talk about it, so I try to make mental lists. I might try actually writing it down. I once left a message, too. He didn’t bring it up the next session, but rather waited for me to.
>>>Messadivoce: “If I were in your shoes I might be a teensy bit put off by that remark, because I think it would make me feel helpless. As though, it's just me and him and he doesn't want anyone to step in and help me make sense of the transference. As though he's making light of it the whole thing, "it's not that bad, let's work on it" when in reality, maybe for me it would be much more confusing and painful.”
I don’t know that you are projecting. I was a little put-off, too. I think that’s why I wanted to post about it. To check my feelings. Hee hee. But I suppose if I got annoyed with him, and then posted about it, that’s exactly what he is talking about?
>>>ShortE: I don’t know if it’s good or bad, either. I do think at times when someone needs to pull it together, and for whatever reason the T is not available for that, I think Babble is invaluable.
>>>AllDone: “Do you feel comfortable calling or emailing him between sessions? If so, when you are having an intense reaction to something, maybe you could let him know and he can get the initial wave of emotions, then come post on Babble.If you were talking to IRL friends, or for that matter your co-workers, would he have the same concerns? “
I don’t always feel comfortable calling him or emailing him between sessions. After that horrible session, I really should have called him to try to get a session that Monday instead of waiting til Thursday. But I rationalized that I didn’t have the time. In fact, I may have been worried about what his reaction to blowing up at him might be. You know, fear of rejection or that he would minimize my feelings. And I don’t know what he thinks about utilizing friends IRL. I told him about calling Racer in hysterics after the birthday brouhaha. He didn’t really comment on that. I don’t think he wanted to hear from me at 11:00 p.m. in hysterics, did he?
>>>Dinah: I suppose that is a result of the difference in orientations between our T’s. Mine is definitely psychoanalytically oriented. I can't imagine mine feeling the way yours does, and that seems a bit narcissistic of mine. :(
>>>Aphrodite: I can see why your experience in therapy does not quite fit in with what many of us post about. I’m glad it is working for you, but I can see why you might have had doubts at times. I wonder if T’s don’t realize how incredibly insightful and helpful the Babblers are. Perhaps they might see it as an adjunct versus a hindrance? Because I think I come to insights here as well as in sessions. And I forget them as often, but at least here I have a record. :)
>>>JenStar: It figures you would catch me in the “good client” blues. :) I suppose I really meant that there is that pull in me, but I recognize that it’s not all that healthy. But still, it’s what makes this a conflict. So I will ask him to talk more about what he meant, and try very very hard to not let him turn it around as he ALWAYS does. And then do what is best for me.
>>>Crushed: “While I *guess* I can *sort* of see his point, I don't think it's right for you to feel like a bad client for doing therapy, as it were, outside of therapy. I mean, are you not allowed to think or write, either? I often work out lots of stuff that way, and it feels a lot like therapy to me when I do. And then when I go in to see my T, I've already worked out certain things, but it's not like we run out of stuff to work on.”
I don’t think you sound cranky, and you make some very good points. See, I knew it wasn’t just me being rubbed the wrong way by his comment.
>>>Jazzed: “I guess I'd have to know what he does and doesn't want me to share, and why.”
Oh, if only I could be sure he would answer that question. He’s not a directive person at all. And he sort of mentioned it in passing at the end of a session. But yes, it doesn’t seem realisitic to hold everything in just for him. I do see him twice a week now. But still, he’s not always going to be in my life, so having a support system seems a good thing.
>>>Daisy: ” I guess the key is to try to remember the trail...what were you thinking and feeling when you first posted and why or how did that change, if it did, by the time you got back to a session. It would be my experience that the energy and emotions would dissipate over time anyway. By writing it down I can go back and more easily remember what was happening.”
I do try to remember the trail, and sometimes even in telling the story for the first time I get things mixed up. And yes, I can see how Babble can fan the flames, too. And it’s funny, but I don’t post my own issues here all that often. I wonder if he thinks I rehash all my sessions online?
>>>Falls: “And that he doesn't want me speculating about what he was thinking or meaning, that he wants me to ask him about it - so I will know what was *really* going on. I did reduce the amount of discussion that I had (both on the board and in IMs and emails) about the details of my therapy sessions. Things are going well, so I sort of have to assume that that wasn't a bad thing.”
I think that is a good thing, too. But then whenever I ask him about his feelings and meanings and such, I almost always get it turned around on me—“What do you worry it means?” etc. Aack! I fall for it everytime! I’m glad things are going better for you in therapy as a result of your change.
“So I don't feel like I have to normalize our therapy sessions - I don't have to be comforted by others who have survived the same thing. Because I know that he will make it so I can survive. I don't feel like I need you guys to *protect* me from him.”
This sounds like real progress!
>>>Pinkeye: “I know that ever since I started participating intensly in babble, I have had more insights thrown into myself, than I would have had even if I stuck with therapy everyday for 10 years.”
I have found lots of insight here, too.
>>>Tamar: “Hmmm... I could perhaps understand his point better if you were doing traditional psychoanalysis. But the thing about once-a-week therapy is that we have to be able to make it through 167 long hours from the end of one appointment to the beginning of the next. That's a lot of taking it one hour at a time when we're feeling like sh*t. If strong feelings arise in therapy, ideally they could be dealt with immediately. But considering the constraints of the therapeutic frame (the need to finish in 50 minutes etc), it's not always possible.”
He is psychoanalytically based. I now go twice a week. But still, it’s a long way between Friday and Wednesday. I liked it best when we did Monday and Thursday. I don’t know why we switched. :(
Thanks again for all your thoughtful responses.
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:518993
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/519561.html