Posted by gardenergirl on June 27, 2005, at 23:11:22
In reply to Re: GG, how exactly did you ask for twice a week? » gardenergirl, posted by Jazzed on June 27, 2005, at 22:09:55
> I have disclosed nothing big, and there is a lot of big stuff. He only knows I'm anxious, have social inhibitions, and stuff like that.
Sounds like the big stuff will come out when you are ready.
>>
> OMGosh, did you disclose stuff easily, and early on? Do you cry? Do you feel like an idiot when you cry? Then is it hard for you to walk out of the office after crying?Well, I didn't tell everything big. But I did say towards the end of the interview in the first session, "Oh by the way, I should probably tell you that I was raped at age XX, but I'm pretty over it. I don't think about it much." I kind of laugh when I think of that now, because I'm sure he was saying to himself, "Sure she's over it." And it has become an important thing to talk about. But I just casually threw it in there like I was talking about where I was born or something.
I cry a lot. I'm a crier. I cry a lot a lot a lot. I used to get really embarrassed about it. Now not so much except when I start to get too snotty. I hate that part, and I hate blowing my nose in front of him for some reason. Silly I know. It's not too hard to walk out of there when I've been crying because you don't have to go back thru the waiting area...just out the door. It's kind of hard when I am still crying, though, to drive. I hit myself on the thigh (not hard) with my fist to try to stop crying until I get where I am going. I get a bit embarrassed when I go to Starbuck's though, and I have red eyes and stuff.
I did have one big shameful thing to tell him that I took several sessions to tell. I started by just telling him I had something I wanted to say but I feared his reaction. I finally got it out, and it was mostly okay. We don't go back to it much, though.
>
> I wish I had it in me to get on with the messier stuff. I'm afraid of several things....crying, I'll feel like an idiot with him and walking out. Just getting into the messy stuff, thinking of disclosing it to him has made me think of it a lot, and I don't normally do that, and it's just scary that it's all still there so visibly. And vulnerability. I just am not comfortable with feeling that.It's important to realize where you are at with trust and feeling okay being vulnerable. Regarding crying, though...my T said to me when I was embarrassed, "Anytime you walk into a room and see this many boxes of kleenex around, you have to know that crying is okay here." :)
And from my perspective with crying clients...it doesn't bother me, and I don't think they are idiots or weak or anything.
>
> So, when you graduate, can you still see your T if you pay? That would just be too hard to know that when you graduate you're done with therapy.I can't. That's the hard part. He only sees students. So it's sometimes hard to get the motivation to graduate, although therapy isn't the only reason. Neurosis is a much bigger reason, sigh. But the silver lining is I get to keep seeing him. Otherwise, we'd be looking at termination rigth about now if I were on track.
>awwww, you're sweet.
Take care,
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:518993
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/520288.html