Posted by spalding on June 23, 2005, at 17:10:24
In reply to okay there is more...., posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 16:45:47
happyflower, I can identify with where you are. I am currently experiencing very strong stuff with my pdoc and my T. I'm a woman, they're both men.
My T. and I have a ton in common -- we both like Cole Porter, we both sing, we have the same political leanings, same sense of humour, same love of words and turns of phrase, and even more. I would say we have an easy relationship, even given the very, very hard work we're doing. He has often used the term "our relationship."
However, I'm 99.99% sure he's gay. So while I think he's handsome and we have a bond, I think of him more as someone I would like to sit down and share a glass of wine and talk (not in a therapeutic sense) all night with. I like to think that he thinks that in a different life, we could be friends. Maybe this is how therapy breeds its own intimacy, really.
I have a similar great relationship with my pdoc. He is straight...(and his mentions of his fiancee unnerve me just a little)... Because, I find him attractive. Though that's as far as it goes (with a few mild fantasies), and I've NEVER brought it up...though I'm toying with the idea of doing so. In fact, he just left on vacation for a month, longer than he usually goes, and I have a theory he's getting married. Which I plan to ask him about when he comes back!
It is interesting he acts shy when you talk about sexual stuff. My docs have been very, very direct when this stuff comes up. My style would be just to ask about it, though that's just me...you are entitled to understand his reactions so there is no ambiguity like the kind you're experiencing now.
I doubt bringing it up with him would cause anything bad to happen. They're trained to deal with this kind of thing. However, I totally understand where your head goes. How can it not, with the bonds we have? *sigh*
> He knows I am into gardening and such, well last session I notice he had a orchid in his window that wasn't there before, in fact he never had any plants. Then he brought up Frank Sintra, because he knows I like that kind of music.
> Then he mentioned "our relationship" which he never said that before. I know it is a theraputice relationship but still he never referred to " our relationship". I hate to rock the boat because we connect so nicely and honesty we have so much in common. I have given up the fantasy about being with him, but this is messing up my head. Am I just seeing things? I was finally over my erotic transference, and now it seems like he has some of his countertrasference to deal with, or maybe he just likes me and I am making too much of this. I would hate to ruin my all of this for asking him this question. I am finally at the point where I am comfortable with him, and I don't want to mess it all up. This is all having me thinking about being with him romantically again.
poster:spalding
thread:517585
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/517601.html