Posted by Tamar on June 20, 2005, at 16:04:11
In reply to Seems ironic, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 8:29:06
> That an action on my therapists part that should make me feel more secure is actually awakening my abandonment fears. I know his actions make it clear that he won't abandon me completely unless he absolutely has to (gets divorced and moves or gets sick or something). But knowing that it was likely that he'd just tell me one day out of the blue that he could only see me once a week has made me want to pull back from him before he hurts me.
I can imagine that. In an ideal world (i.e. if you were in charge of everything), he would tell you if he was thinking about applying for jobs. The idea that he might be doing stuff like that behind your back must be very frightening. I mean, I know that in reality he has the right to make decisions and plans without consulting you, but I know I would have been worried if I'd ever thought my T might be looking for jobs. Heck, I've terminated and nevertheless, the idea that he might think of leaving and working somewhere else without telling me first still scares the cr*p out of me!
> There's just no pleasing me. (I originally wrote "him" instead of "me". Wonder what that means.)
Do you worry he might be displeased at the extent of your attachment? Are you afraid that he might resent his commitment to you? I know you've worked through his fear of dependent women, but still...
I can see that this all might be particularly difficult, especially since you've recently been addressing abandonment issues. For me, the scariest abandonments are those that come with no warning.
poster:Tamar
thread:515914
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050615/msgs/516096.html