Posted by sunny10 on June 20, 2005, at 13:29:07
In reply to Re: Not Wanting to See T again. » cricket, posted by frida on June 20, 2005, at 12:36:55
I think I would feel this way if I even felt like therapy was getting to the real me inside.
I don't know why, but I tend to disassociate during my sessions. I talk about painful stuff, but I am relating a memory, not experiencing it. And I know that I'm supposed to be feeling something. I do get a lump in my throat, but soldier on past it until I can say what is stuck in my throat.
I am hoping that I am just giving T enough background in these beginning stages of therapy. I am hoping that what we're doing right now is not therapeutic in and of itself, I mean. Because I am not deriving any feelings of learning or satisfaction, or any better at "liking/loving" myself.
I am just a storyteller at this point. That's why it doesn't bother me to go.
I think I would rather dread going. At least it would mean that subconsciously I would know that I am getting through the tough stuff. And maybe, consciously,I could get something good out of it!
I guess I'm trying to say, "stick with it. Be strong. Be strong enough to learn and become a stronger person than you are today."
I hope I get that far, and I hope I have the strength to "go for it", scary as it may be.
And you'll be the one here to help ME out with it when the time comes.
poster:sunny10
thread:515984
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050615/msgs/516021.html