Posted by Daisym on June 9, 2005, at 21:01:48
In reply to validation in ''Courage to Heal'', posted by badhaircut on June 9, 2005, at 20:15:19
The validation for me was about how torn up I felt "just" talking about it. I thought I should handle it better, I thought it was so old that it shouldn't hurt anymore. And the fact that it felt like a fresh wound shocked me. I was glad to read that this was a "typical" part of the process.
I don't want to defend the book. My experience with it is in parts and pieces and more from the work book exercises, which I did to augment therapy. My therapist was pretty adamant about being sure I was working with him as I did any of this. I admit to a great deal of grief when I discovered that saying things outloud and weeping about them did not "cure" me. I wanted the ABC after-school special where the "ah ha!" happened and that was that. It took me awhile to focus on the goal of trust and allowing emotional support instead of "brave enough to say it." I thought I just needed to get brave enough to say it. My therapist is very clear that he wants to hear whatever I want to tell him. We do talk about the details now but he is equally clear that "telling" is about not being alone with it, it is harmful to be keeping it in your head and conducting your life in a way to maintain the secret.
I've asked a million times, "what does 'working it through' mean?" He tells me that we talk about "it", the memories and the feelings, until "it" doesn't have such a hold on me. The thing I hate the most is to look back at the list of things I've done or choices I've made "because" of "it" instead of "inspite" of "it." Depression, midlife crisis, regressions -- it all comes back for me to the fact that I'm tired of carrying the weight of my life myself but I don't trust anyone enough to share it with.
This is the ultimate goal for me. To not feel so alone with the burdens God seems to think I can handle. I want to love and be loved without fear, without strings and to feel pure joy in small moments. I hope that isn't too much to ask.
poster:Daisym
thread:508459
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050606/msgs/510247.html