Posted by pegasus on May 20, 2005, at 16:57:07
In reply to maybe it was because i told her...., posted by shrinking violet on May 20, 2005, at 16:17:10
Hi violet,
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Although I'm glad to hear you're trying for the residential treatment facility. I hope it ends up being really helpful for you.
What strikes me about what you write about your T is that you're assuming a lot of blame for acts that seem perfectly reasonable to me. I think it's sweet that you made that CD for your ex-T, and absolutely normal that you told her you love her. That happens all the time in therapy! We've had threads about it here, and lots of people said they'd told their therapists the same thing. It's natural and understandable to feel that way about someone who makes you feel safe, and is trying to help you.
It really is a shame that she's not been involved in this move of yours to more intense treatment. And yet, you don't really know why. You're assuming it's because you did something wrong. But it seems at least as likely to me that it's something to do with her view about good boundaries, or the rules of her employer or something along those lines. Lots of therapists don't like to have any contact after termination (which personally I don't think is the best way to do things, but it is what is usually taught in counseling programs). I guess the idea is that if you still have contact with your ex-T then you won't seek current therapy, because you'll still be more comfortable in that old relationship.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you lots lately, and have been following your situation. I think it sounds like you've really tried hard in therapy, and that it's just especially difficult for you, so you often don't acccomplish what you'd like to or think you should. And that you really give yourself a hard time about that, when I'm sure it's not simply flaws in yourself that cause these difficulties - you're obviously struggling mightily. Your story and situation really move me, and I sincerely wish you the very best in your new treatment.
pegasus
poster:pegasus
thread:500434
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/500451.html