Posted by 10derHeart on May 20, 2005, at 9:06:55
In reply to Re: Relationship with T/Bad Session (very long), posted by Shortelise on May 19, 2005, at 19:24:17
ShortE,
This was great. I don't think you over-explained it at all. At least not for my brain - it was just right.
And it makes tons of sense. For some reason, though, when I imagine saying certain things about emotions - his, not mine - to my T.. I cringe inside and am not sure I can say them. I agree with all you wrote and I suspect my T. is VERY capable of admitting if and when he messes up.
No, I don't suspect, I actually know. Although it was sort of a small thing. A few months back, he used a DSM diagnosis for my insurance without talking to me first. Because my history is that I was in therapy with a pdoc he knew slightly, and to him I clearly had MDD symptoms, he assumed I'd always had that diagnosis. Oops. Wrong. Just so happens my ex-T (the pdoc) just never went there - for a psychiatrist he just isn't a dx kind of guy. More interested in the here and now and the person - the DSM was an annoyance to him sometimes. Cool guy :-) So, the only DSM codes I'd ever seen in my records were for ADD (my presenting problem 3 yrs. ago) and maybe an adjustment disorder for a brief time.
So, to get this copy of the insurance authorization for therapy for the next 6 months, and see "Major Depressrive Disorder, Recurrent Episodes, Moderate," really freaked me out. Now, I got over it quickly. I completely agree that I fit the criteria to a "T" (bad pun, sorry). But the thing was - TALK to me first. Don't assume. Don't forget. Don't EVER think something I see in writing that came from you won't have a strong effect on me.
Well, he was great. He was so flustered and flipped back in his notes, muttering to himself he thought I'd, 1) already had this dx, and 2) that we'd briefly talked about it. Nope. I told him no, that my memory was clear. And he checked, and he looked SO upset with himself and IMMEDIATELY said it was his fault, that was a big mistake, that he understood totally how reading it on some impersonal letter would make me feel like cr*p. I wanted to comfort him, he apologized so profusely and sincerely for his faulty memory and assumption. It turned into a very good moment.
Sorry...got carried away story-telling. Point is, he's got it in him. BUT, today, if he really didn't sense anything, and I sensed everything....I already doubt myself. It'll be hard for me to hold the self-confidence I need long enough to describe his body language, lack of feedback, etc. I feel somehow it's wrong of me to watch his body language,or "accuse" him of not giving me enough emotional involvement the other day. My head has it, but my heart is afraid.
But I'll give it my best shot. I surely have his attention now, so maybe he'll help a lot. Hope so. Your post helps. I printed it to read over before I go in. I'll let you know what happens.
poster:10derHeart
thread:500036
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/500292.html