Posted by daisym on May 19, 2005, at 0:46:52
In reply to Loss, posted by Dinah on May 17, 2005, at 14:01:37
I wanted to answer your question about an emergency session, but I didn't want to hi-jack the thread above. This fits here perfectly anyway.
I ended up in a free-fall melt down this morning. We gently stuck in toe in the pool of my childhood again yesterday and talked about an impending visit from my dad and a family get-together which will include my unpredictable sister, hosted by my mother. This opened up such a painful place in me, a place I keep thinking is healed. And at the end of the session I let him know that adding his vacation to my list of things to handle in the coming weeks was really hard. I was surprised at how hard last night was, I guess I've been so overwhelmed with work issues that I "forgot" how painful some of this is.
When I went to work this morning, my assistant, my best friend, wasn't there. And I was done. The loss of this everyday support was too much and I've been pretending that it would be OK; different but OK. I think I sobbed steady for 20 minutes on the phone with my therapist before he could even ask me if I changed my mind about coming in today. And then, when I was with him, we ended up repeating the discussion about needing him, how dangerous that is and how stupid I feel about being upset about separation from him. He reassured me that he doesn't think my feelings are stupid and that he expects it to be hard for me when he is away. He wanted to work on ways to make it easier -- I just wanted to be upset with him about it. So he let me.
I suspect we will return to the subject tomorrow.
I hope your day is better tomorrow. Loss sucks. Plain and simple.
-M
poster:daisym
thread:498985
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/499707.html