Posted by 10derHeart on May 16, 2005, at 14:15:02
In reply to it's out and i feel worse. ****BIG TRIGGER****, posted by B2chica on May 16, 2005, at 11:27:05
B2chica,
I am so very, very sorry you're having to go through this. I can't even imagine how awful it must feel. Wish I could make even 1% of the pain go away, but I probably can't.
I see you as so strong. It's AWESOME that you have come this far with something you once said you'd not be able to *ever* tell your T. I think others who have been through this part of the process witll tell you it is copmpletely expected for you to feel *worse* - at least for a while. It's all so new and scary. Hang onto your T. and to Babble and just go hour by hour if you need to - take little, baby steps and they will be one small victory after another.
>>...by...a relative. not an adult (so it's not really CSA).<<
May I please gently disagree with you here? What if you considered it this way?
C - you were definitely a Child
S - something Sexual was done to you
A - it was AbusiveSo...it was CSA. I hope that soon you can give yourself permission to say that it was, because I'm afraid somehow to say "not really CSA" you are taking responsibility and almost saying to us, your T., and worst of all, yourself, a version of, "...it really wasn't THAT bad..." B*ll Sh*t!! It was that bad because you were a helpless, terrfied child!
As gg and others have already said, it doesn't matter AT ALL who did the abusing, their age, their status, their relationship to you - none of it matters. You were hurt at the hands of another person who was scaring you and forcing you to endure things no child should EVER even have to think about, much less experience. EVER.
sorry for all the CAPS....I get passionate about this. We are here for you and you are going to make it through. I am so impressed by your courage so far. You are taking the first steps to remove the dark power of these long-buried secrets! You are a survivor and a wonderful person. (((((B2chica)))))
poster:10derHeart
thread:498472
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/498530.html