Posted by Susan47 on May 2, 2005, at 13:24:06
In reply to Re: Oh my head. SEXUAL TRIGGER or something » Dinah, posted by Tamar on May 2, 2005, at 12:51:13
Oh, did you ever open a can of worms for me Dinah. Let's go!
I have never liked the sight of my genitalia.
I find it kind of frightening-looking.
I don't like men looking, in general,
at that part of me, even though
a man finds it sexy, I find it scary
because it's so different, you know,
the colour of it is not the same as
anywhere else on my body.
And it behaves differently,
and it looks different,
and it feels different to touch.
I hate it when I have to have
my annual pap, because I'm sure
the doctor's thinking, ugh.
Now I know that's likely not true,
but it's pretty much the way I feel.
My mom used to think there was something
wrong with me. She took me to doctor
after doctor after doctor, starting from
as young as I can remember, four or five.
I started having normal female mucous,
but she thought, oh, there's something wrong.
She has a yeast, or something.
And from as young as I can remember,
I had to put these horrible tablets into
my poor little vagina, a virgin vagina,
and I remember once, my mother did it,
and she was quick, and harsh, almost doing it
like she hated me, and it hurt.
All the doctors were men.
One fondled me for a long time.
I was about thirteen.
He was trying to get me wet,
I know it now.
At the time, I was scared.
I was by myself with him, there.
And I never told anyone.
But when I was really little,
these doctors would have me lay
on the table, and my mother was
there sometimes, sometimes not.
I remember hours, hours wasted
waiting in doctor's offices
with my mother.What do you think that was really all about?
poster:Susan47
thread:492656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/492699.html