Posted by fallsfall on May 1, 2005, at 10:53:56
In reply to I wish things weren't so hard, posted by daisym on April 30, 2005, at 23:43:20
>The other thing that has come up is that there are all these little kid feelings that are screaming that my therapist is dangerous. I know the origin of this but I don't know how to shut them down completely.
*** I think you don't want to shut them down. But you also don't want to give in to them. I'm thinking of my oldest's first day at nursery school. She was very clingy and terrified to go. She didn't like new things. So I tried to tell her what it would be like and encourage her to go. I was pretty firm that she *would* go and encouraging that she would have a good time. I guess the parallel would be that your scared parts need to be soothed, but that they need to know that they do have to go. That they can talk about why they are scared to be there, but that they can't not go. That you are the adult, and while you sympathize with their fear, that you know what is best for all of you. I didn't tell my daughter "you are not allowed to be afraid". I acknowleged her fear and tried to help her move past it.
>Yesterday I missed my check in call with my therapist. I don't know how this happened, somehow my cell didn't ring and he ended up leaving a voice mail that he would catch me tomorrow. I was really, really upset. I went through a whole conversation with myself that basically said, "you need to cut back contact, so that there are no expectations to be crushed." I did call back and let him know that I was sorry I missed him, and tomorrow looked impossible but I would call if I started falling apart and needed him. No big deal. He called a couple of hours later, and I avoided his call. He called this morning, and I avoided his call again.
***Your scared parts need to understand that your therapist is not like people in your past. You need to use your intellectual understanding of that to push (gently) them to risk enough for him to prove to them that he isn't like others in your past. This is an important therapeutic opportunity. A little empathy towards your scared parts will go a long way. Don't *tell* them how to feel - that is invalidating. Accept how they are feeling and use a "Yes, I understand you feel that way, BUT..." Coax, don't order.
I think this is one of those "you have to go through it" things. But be kind to yourself, because you really are legitimately scared (as GG would say, "you come by this honestly").
Let me know if I can help.
And, yes, you *do* have to go to therapy this week.
poster:fallsfall
thread:492153
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/492277.html