Posted by fallsfall on March 5, 2005, at 21:55:13
In reply to Re: Prognosis/MLS, posted by antigua on March 4, 2005, at 14:05:39
Thanks. Support is always appreciated.
I have the plan, but I am terrified to follow it.
I believe that I'm not ready to do so. I can almost think about going to school. But I can't think about working. It completely terrifies me. I think that I may have been pushed into things most of my life when I wasn't ready. So much so that I have no way of deciding if I'm ready or not - I just *do* the things and somehow hold it all together. But this one I'm sure I couldn't hold together.
Fortunately, my therapist doesn't push me (I am pushed by something/someone but I don't quite know who). I see the Voc Rehab guy on Thursday and I am completely stressed out about it. My therapist said "The meeting on Thursday will just be a consultation. That's all. Just a consultation.". I take from that that it is OK if there are no actions following the meeting. That it can be just for information. That going to the meeting isn't a commitment that I'll go back to work. Thank heavens he isn't pushing, I couldn't take that.
I wish I could say that "I can't not do something just because I might get depressed in a few years". But the thought of doing better and then crashing again... I don't know if I could take it. I think I need more skills - to understand healthier ways of looking at things. And I need to organize my environment so that it won't trigger me so much. Otherwise it feels like running a marathon after the doctor has looked at my broken leg, but before he has even put the cast on.
I'm really hoping that if I can take some more time, and learn some more skills that I will be able to contemplate a future. I would really like to be able to do that.
poster:fallsfall
thread:464547
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/467174.html