Posted by sunny10 on February 17, 2005, at 11:33:36
In reply to Re: Freud anyone?, posted by alexandra_k on February 17, 2005, at 0:23:59
here's a scary one for you guys... maybe you can help me...
I used to flee from all types of confrontation right down to only asking for a raise ONCE in the last 19 years that I've been working fulltime (and that one time I cried- how embarrassing).
My father used to hit me anytime I disagreed with him- even if the topic was brought as a debate. It started when I was 10. Since then, I learned not to have my own opinions (I STILL haven't found a hobby other than reading- which, let's face it, is just sitting quietly, saying nothing) with any males. I debated freely with females- and they think I do it too much, probably because they are an "outlet" at this point.
So enter therapy... I learn that I MUST have my own opinions, find my own hobbies, stick up for myself because my "self" is just as important as the other person's "self". I am practicing this.
So my SO and I debate. The big problem is that when he debates, he is big on pointing his finger in my face and leaning in real close to my face (classic intimidation tactics). It has gotten so bad a couple of times that I have completely freaked out. The first time I ran and hid upstairs behind a locked door. The second time, though, I was lying on the couch and he came up on me while I was supine and got in my face. I asked him to back up, my hands were palms forward, then PUSHING him away, then when he didn't stop, I ended up kicking out at him as he advanced.So now I have "learned to defend myself", but he considered himself to be attacked because I was the only one that actually struck a blow!
We have talked about it since, and decided on a code word to use to let him know that I am scared, not "trying to win the argument". But he is only one person. How do I deal with the rest of the world now???? In trying to cure myself of fear of confrontation, I am now a physical attacker myself? How the heck did this happen? I don't want to be that person!
(Brought up a can of worms, hunh, gg???!!!???)
thanks for listening at least,
sunny10
poster:sunny10
thread:458869
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050211/msgs/459290.html