Posted by TamaraJ on February 16, 2005, at 16:06:15
In reply to Freud anyone?, posted by gardenergirl on February 16, 2005, at 15:26:15
I have the same feelings as you. On the issue of aggression, I have an intense fear of aggressive behaviour, and go to great lengths to avoid situations where confrontation is taking place or which may lead to raised voices and aggressive behaviour. I am not so much afraid of whether I will become aggressive (because I never have), but rather whether others will. In those situations, I have to retreat because I often end up feeling physically ill. And, instead of *asserting* myself in such situations, I tend to become shaken and emotional, and unable to defend my views or feelings. I guess I see aggression as anger out of control (who knows). And, although anger can be a normal emotion and a normal reaction to certain situations as well as a motivator at times (think of when we are angered at an injustice that has been done and the action being taken as a result of that anger to correct the injustice), when it consumes a person then there is absolutely no chance that it can be productive. The problem is, I guess, like you said: we have been conditioned to believe that it is bad. So, some people internalize until it becomes like a volcano ready to erupt, which, again for me at least, just intensifies the anger and leads to aggressive thoughts and an undeniable sense that it is so wrong to feel this way. It's a vicious cycle at times.
I don't know about you, but I guess I worry that being aggressive means that I am no longer in control - that I have lost control - of myself and the situation. And, aggression has such a negative connotation. I guess what people should be striving for is that delicate balance between being assertive and being gentle. But, even being assertive in certain situations is somewhat foreign to me.
I have rambled - sorry - and probably haven't made any sense at all.
> Okay, today's session was fairly disjointed, but what my T managed to put together from all the pieces was that I seem to have an intense fear of aggressive and sexual urges. Think thanatos and hmm, what was that other drive? Sex and death.
>
> I actually could feel myself being blocked today when it came to something related to aggression. I just kind of stared into space thinking nothing and trying not to feel. I told him this, and he could tell, too.
>
> I suspect it might be related, at least in part, to feeling like "good girls" don't have these feelings. But I'm really clueless, because for the aggression part, I really can't even conceive of me being aggressive or attacking someone forcefully. I can't even picture it. I can't imagine how it would feel other than completely foreign to me. Major block. And it's not that I think I *should* develop the ability to go out and attack folks, but I think you get the issue. I know from experience I tend to be a "freezer" when it comes to threats. I don't like that about myself, but I know it to be true of me.
>
> Anyone else have issues with this? Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Complaints? (oops, got carried away).
>
> Thanks,
> gg
poster:TamaraJ
thread:458869
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050211/msgs/458888.html