Posted by fallsfall on January 9, 2005, at 10:20:24
In reply to Re: Wanting to be depressed » fallsfall, posted by mair on January 9, 2005, at 7:47:49
> I'm working on my list although mostly my mind doesn't seem to want to go there.
*** It is really hard to think about this. What you are doing is "making the unconscious conscious". And, you know, it is unconscious for a reason! So it makes sense that it would be hard to do this. Be gentle with yourself. This isn't so much a "sit down and write out the list" kind of task as it is a "keep in the back of your mind that somethings might start to makes sense to be put on the list". I guess that spend some time envisioning life with out depression and try to figure out what scares me about that. Some of the reasons will come easily, but the important ones will be harder to uncover.
>I actually can't get much beyond the last one you mentioned maybe because I don't usually think I'm worth being nice to.
*** This would be worth talking about in therapy...
>I can see some value in this exercise although I'm not sure how much help I could get from my T who always suggests that I don't have much control over whether or not I'm depressed. Sometimes I just feel I should be able to will depression away.
*** I don't know how much "control" we really have. In my case, I've been severely depressed for 10 years (and disabled for 8 of them). Since depression more commonly comes and goes, it seems fairly obvious to my therapist that I am doing something to maintain the depression.
*** ?? Ultimately, do we all *have* complete control? I mean we *do* (both consciously and unconsciously) determine our own behavior. Could it be that those things that feel "out of our control" are really just those things that are controlled more by our deeply buried unconscious? So could it be that if we find a way to access the unconscious, and effect/modify those motivations that we really would have more control over our lives? I think this is what my therapist believes (Psychodynamic). The question is what unconscious areas do we want to try to access, and how hard do we want to try?
*** What is your therapist's orientation?
*** "Willing it away" is very different from identifying unconscious motivations and resolving them. In one case you tell your self you are not allowed to feel the way you do. In the other you figure out *why* you feel that way and remove the obstacles to feeling differently. One uses force, the other solves the problem.
>
> I know (think I know?) that you live in NH. Are you more over by the coast? Did you get alot of snow yesterday? It's really pretty where I am; I just don't want to go outside and have to feel the cold.*** About 7" I think. Light, pretty snow. Not bad to shovel. The plow did my driveway last night. I have about 3 more inches to get off my front walk this afternoon. I took my dogs for a walk around the block - if you dress for it it is pretty nice out there. Send me your email (I'm babblefallsfall - a hotmail account) if you want to be on my invitee list for New England Babble Ice Cream parties.
>
> Mair*** Good luck, Mair. This is really hard stuff to look at.
Falls.
poster:fallsfall
thread:437567
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050105/msgs/439708.html