Posted by alexandra_k on December 26, 2004, at 18:25:05
In reply to I statement correction, posted by Dinah on December 24, 2004, at 20:15:25
I have had therapists say they would always be there for me. I call them on that because it is b*llsh*t - nothing is forever. My last psychologist said that she would be there for me as long as I needed her. I liked that very much, but then that turned out to be b*lsh*t too, because she got burned out and made the ethical decision to drop me from her case.
I guess I figure that therapy is supposed to be about empowering me to take control of, and be happy with my life. If I thought I was going to have to be in therapy forever then I suppose I find that a very depressing thought. I would conclude that therapy had failed me.
I think that if you have to rely on a t for insights (forever) then that is very sad indeed. If they are helping you get them but not helping you figure out how to get them yourself then aren't they just encouraging dependancy? If they are meeting your emotional needs but aren't teaching you how to get your emotional needs met in real world relationships then aren't they just encouraging dependancy?
I like to think of therapy as a process of working through. Whoever does that (competantly) is fairly much interchangable with the next t. In the same way I like to think that a client who is willing to work should be fairly much interchangable with the next one. I mean, sure I may not think of it that way at the time but if I am terminated because we have reached a stalemate or because they are burned out or whatever then so long as I am passed onto someone competant then I think that is the best decision to be made and I like to think that I would get over it, and get reattached soon enough.
I can't really get past the fact that therapy is a SERVICE. Like a hairdresser or whatever. It is something that is paid for (by someone or other). Some people get addicted to drugs. There is something you can pay for that always keeps you coming back for more and I quite often think of the similarity between drug pushing and being a therapist.
The other one I think of is prostitution. Loads of people go to pros not so much for the sex (some don't even want sex) - they want to talk.
Rent a friend service. If they aren't helping you meet those needs in the real world, then I think there is something of the drug pusher or pro in the service that is provided. One that is encouraging dependancy.
It is a sobering thought for me.
But one that arises because of my history no doubt.Don't get me wrong, I envy people who have someone who seems to be so very committed to working with them. But I just worry about that commitment and attachment blinding people to what could (and indeed should - eventually) become a stalemate situation. Shouldn't we outgrow them eventually? Shouldn't we get to the point where we simply do not need them any more? Maybe some people will never get there, but isn't that what it is about? Working to get there. Being able to say 'why on earth should I pay you for when I can find that myself in the real world? Why should I continue with a fairly much one sided relationship with an inherant power imbalance when I can have equal, reciprocal relationships that meet my needs in the real world?
Maybe (probably) I am hopelessly optimistic.
All of the above is very genuinely not intended as a judgement or criticism. It is just my thoughts. It is very likely that I am leaving a whole lot out of the picture here. I would welcome others thoughts on this.I don't know.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:432629
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041218/msgs/434407.html