Posted by daisym on December 23, 2004, at 3:30:50
In reply to Re: Would love to hear others' experiences.., posted by messadivoce on December 22, 2004, at 22:05:16
I think I have somewhat of the opposite experience from you...my younger parts are very attached and want lots of contact. My adult "gate-keeper" knows therapy is important and useful, but would be OK with a lot less contact. "I" don't fall apart over little things..."she" gets her feelings hurt easily.
Recently I talked about how vulnerable my attachment made me feel, in relation to him having power over me. I'm pretty sure that this was the 12/13 year old talking. She firmly expects to have to pay to get her needs met. And/or to use sex as a "tool" to get what she wants. We've talked about this a couple of times now and it seems that not only are there frozen age states but there are several ego states within the age ranges. As we get deeper and deeper in, I'm horrified and fascinated by this.
Even how I sit, or hold myself changes, based on which part of me is relating to him. The adult will sit legs cross at the knees or ankles, holding a pillow. The 12/13 year old will tuck her legs up underneith and/or sit cross-legged on the couch, holding a pillow and the youngest parts of slump way down or sit knees to chin, holding a pillow. Luckily we all like the same pillow!
The other thing that happens is that different parts of me are triggered by different events. I suffered a huge blow last week with having my space invaded. This triggered the youngest part of me into a panic about being caught "telling" -- I was sure I was going to get into trouble and have my therapist taken away from me. The adult felt so selfish about these feelings and it was easy enough to problem solve this, so it shouldn't have been a big deal. But I just couldn't stop having a tantrum about it. He looked at me and said, "You really, really want this. It is all YOURS and you don't want to share me." Exactly! The younger part was so relieved he understood. The adult cringed.
On Monday I had a critical blow to my "mommy" self esteem. My son's therapist asked me if I was "saving" him. It is complicated but the long and short of it is -- yes, I am saving him, and me and my sister, for that matter. All of our feelings are confused and intertwined and when I tried to sort them out over the past few days, the adult went into a depressive state because I felt like a failure as a mom. My therapist tried to build perspective for me and help me sort out big picture from temporary misstep. My younger self was frantic -- I felt like I couldn't settle down -- because I needed to be saved! (I told MY therapist to call my son's therapist and tell him to leave me alone!)
So, yes, I would save it is probable that most people experience different levels of attachment with the different parts of themselves.
I don't know if this is what you are looking for. Did something happen that triggered this thread?
poster:daisym
thread:433059
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041218/msgs/433194.html