Posted by Shortelise on December 9, 2004, at 21:35:13
In reply to Re: payoff?, posted by Smeegle on December 9, 2004, at 12:59:21
Y'know, I don't think I've ever known the kind of depression you mean. Mine aren't so long, though they do get pretty dark. But I may understand, as well as anyone can be expected to.
Smeegs, there isn't anything else. This is it, or so I believe. Just love, and moments of contentment, and the few moments of joy we experience.
Can you go for walks with your husband? Long walks? Just get outside and walk?
This is a bad time of year. It's dark outside most of the time. Christmas brings lots of good memories and memories of disapppointed hopes. Final exams on top of that?! Yikes. Lots of stress.
What I really don't like about the idea of suicide is that I will have ended my only chance to live. I'm not going to heaven, hell or coming back as a beetle. This is it and when it's gone, that's the end. Nothing else, no more, never. Poof! All gone. The pain, yes, but also the pleasure. Chocolate. Cat fur. The smell of coffee in the morning. Oh, and strawberry shortcake with whipped cream. And those blue flowers, I don't know what they're called, but they grow in little clumps close to the ground and they are so blue, so very blue they fill my eyes, then my heart.
Long walks, Smeegs. Lots of long walks with your husband who doesn't know what to say. Walking teases out another part of our minds, a calmer bit, more meditative, more patient. Walk instead of watching TV. It's a depressant, like alcohol. Walk through the winter, into spring, then into summer.
Keep safe. If you don't feel safe, tell your doc, tell someone.
ShortE
poster:Shortelise
thread:425938
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041203/msgs/426972.html