Posted by Smeegle on December 7, 2004, at 22:17:14
In my last session, I brought up that I have been feeling a general lack of contentment. Not that I am SI, but I often find myself wondering what exactly is the point of life? I work, sleep, work, school, work, sleep, etc. I work to pay the bills. There doesn't seem to be any purpose or reason. I feeling like a lemming. I am not broke or even poor (certainly not well off though), but all I see that I have to look forward to in life is working to get by. I don't forsee ever getting ahead or any great personal accomplishment (though I am back in school...at age 41, which is probably the only area of my life that means anything...). We work until we are no longer physically able, then we retire. Obviously I don't enjoy my work. The pay is decent and the benefits outstanding (esp the mental health benefits...lol). But it is just an "existance". I am lonely. I can deal with being alone, but oddly enough I feel 100% more lonely when I am around people. Being alone is easier and less painful (don't have to pretend that I am this totally together and happy person that people think I am). I know I need a hobby or something. I really do. But one can't just wake up one day and just decide okay, I am going to [insert any hobby you want] and that will be my hobby. I don't even know where to begin. I dabble in things, but nothing stands out enough to be passionate about. Blah!
So in all that babbling...my question here is what/when is the payoff? Is life just a cruel joke, because I'm really not amused. Do I just work my ass off all my life just to die? And I don't mean that in terms of material possessions. I could care less about having "stuff". Stuff doesn't make me happy. I want a fulfilled life and am clueless as to how to get there.
Just me pondering. (do me a favor and resist any responses directing me to religion, please).
Smeegs
poster:Smeegle
thread:425938
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041203/msgs/425938.html