Posted by messadivoce on November 25, 2004, at 2:36:22
In reply to Re: comm. after termination--my story (very long), posted by 10derheart on November 25, 2004, at 0:02:35
10derhearted, thank you so much for your thoughts. It is so true that no one else can understand WHY you would grieve for a therapist...aren't we supposed to be "all better" when we terminate? Not true......
I wish my former T would have handled me the same way yours is handling your termination. You hit the nail right on the head when you said that there is no way to regain the intimacy that was there in the therapy room.
The T I have now spoke to my former T not too long ago and found out that one reason he is refusing to communicate is because he is being supervised at his new place (he's a post-doc) and they seem to think that it's not smart to communicate with me. It doesn't seem fair to me...they don't know the situation, they don't know me and they don't know the relationship we had.
Apparently he was very apologetic on the phone...admitted that he did not handle my termination well...but the last terse e-mail I got from him implied that this was MY fault. It think it would have helped me to know the whole picture.
It has been 6 months since termination and I am fimally starting to let myself grieve for him. I feel raw and bruised and pretty beaten up and all I can do is let myself feel that way for now...I cannot begin to fathom future contact. Of course I would love to see him again, to make peace, to learn about his family and his life...but is it really possible? Would he even want to hear from me?
Like I said I'm in college...and after finals I am going to go into the clinic and obtain my treatment records...my current T said she thought it was okay. I looked over my file briefly and discovered I'm going to need serious time with them to decipher the handwriting! It felt so good to hold something tangible in my hands and to know that here is proof that YES, this DID happen, and now he's gone.
Even the fact that his handwriting his horrible is endearing and nostalgic.
This is long. I'm sorry for that, but it feels good to say this to people who understand. Thank you.
poster:messadivoce
thread:419213
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041123/msgs/420025.html