Posted by daisym on October 4, 2004, at 16:31:17
In reply to My Therapy Dilemma/Racer too (very long), posted by antigua on October 4, 2004, at 13:59:32
Antigua,
I'm really sorry about your accident. (was it in the car?) I didn't want to be right about that part...and yes I did miss you. I noticed that both you and pfinstegg went quiet. I think she is on vacation.
My therapist usually advises not to make any decisions in the aftermath of some big trauma. When my husband nearly died in May, I was quitting therapy too. It was too much to handle, too disruptive. Actually I give that speech at least once per month. How do I live my life and rip it apart at the same time? So I totally understand the pain.
My therapist also tells me that this is transference in a more global way...blaming therapy for the pain I'm in. Not that it doesn't contribute to it. I understand what he is saying though, leaving therapy won't undo what happened to me.
I'm not sure I believe in the "eventually" part that everyone talks about. That eventually you HAVE to sort all this out. I think if it can go quiet for you, if it no longer drives the decisions you are making, then I think you can put it away. It might peak out sometimes, but you will probably recognize it for what it is. I don't remember how old your children are, but sometimes their developmental gains can trigger you off again. So you might need some short term therapy again. Then again, you've just started to experience flashbacks and these are often the reason people finally seek out therapy, because they are uncontrollable.
I think everyone here has made valid points. And I'm sure you've thought about this in lots of ways. I'm wondering if there isn't a middle road compromise. Can you keep working on the trauma of the accident, and with the EMDR transference and not on the csa for awhile? I'm glad you aren't considering an abrupt ending, but rather working your way out. This may take awhile and you may discover that the urge to flee isn't as strong as it is right now. This way if you have a flashback or those weird feelings, you do have someone to process them with. It also seems that you need to spend some time on rebuilding your relationship with your therapist, in a supporting sense. She is there to help you and help contain things. It is only natural to get angry when things fell apart and you got hurt, even if you "know" it isn't her fault in any real sense.
Therapy isn't suppose to be a lifetime commitment (sorry Dinah) but I also don't think is has to "end" either. Like many things, utilizing it now and then makes sense.
All that said...don't under estimate how much being confronted with your own mortality can shake you. It has a nasty way of making you take stock of things and rearranging our personal time table. Give yourself some time to rebalance.
I'm really really glad you are OK.
Daisy
poster:daisym
thread:398836
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/398894.html