Posted by shrinking violet on August 22, 2004, at 11:43:15
In reply to Re: Birthday gift for T? OK or no? » shrinking violet, posted by Dinah on August 20, 2004, at 19:12:18
>> You don't have to of course, but if you feel like sharing what happened, maybe some fresh heads can help with perspective.
Thanks, I appreciate it. What happens is what's been happening since I've started seeing her and I'm not sure how to fix it. The basic explanation is that I clam up, can't verbalize, I get defensive. She interprets this as anger (toward her, and/or therapy) which often it isn't. *I* know that I get that way b/c she's either very close to touching on something that I want to avoid, or she's close to making me cry, etc, but she seems to react to the defensiveness/anger itself, and takes it personally, and then questions whether I want to be there, which is hurtful. So I leave feeling frustrated and hurt (and sometimes angry, even if I wasnt before) and I imagine she's frustrated as well. I think this time was worse because the last session went fairly well. I know it's my issue, and it's my inability to just talk to her that's causing the problems, rather than a conflict in our personalities, etc. I dont know how or why she puts up with me, honestly. I was thinking of just calling it quits (and it baffles me why I'm not, b/c I dont particularly like therapy, but I'm so screwed up right now that I feel like I need someone there who understands), but I decided to write down all the stuff I've been withholding because I've been too afraid to talk about it, and bring it on Tuesday (her suggestion, she called me later this week), but I dont know if it'll help, or if it even matters anymore.
>>> Every phase of the relationship brought its share of challenges.
I'm not sure whether this is true for me and my T...maybe to some extent, but I feel like we're still in the same phase (whatever that is). Maybe I just feel stuck. And I care about her a lot, and I feel that she really cares and wants to help, but......how do you know if your T can handle you? I sometimes wonder if I'm beyond her realm of experience, and I wonder whether she's doing more harm than good. Although then *that* makes me feel guilty b/c she is a good person, and tries to be ethical, and would be horrified to know that I even thought that about her. *sigh*
Thanks. :)
-SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:378642
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040821/msgs/380820.html