Posted by Lonely on August 18, 2004, at 0:46:42
In reply to Re: Birthday gift for T? OK or no? » shrinking violet, posted by underthecs on August 17, 2004, at 21:33:44
In the business world (this applied 9 years ago - don't know about now) a gift was generally ok if it was valued at $25.00 or under.
On a completely different approach, I was kind've in a similiar spot once. My T was always lecturing me on "boundaries" (although I don't think I ever really broke them - I think part of it was just her - I'm female also) Then, just before Christmas of 2002 I was chatting away about some little gifts I was giving to friends. I happened to glance up at her for a second and saw the hurt and disappointed look on her face. I was flabbergasted and felt very bad. I realized she was wondering why I hadn't given her a gift. I had given her nice cards but that was all and had been seeing her for 2 years at that point.
It was too late to give her anything at that point so right after Christmas, during my next regular session I brought her a small gift. I can't remember exactly what I said but it was something to the effect that this was for the 14th day of Christmas (or however the song goes) It was a leather thing - sort've something to put a Palm Pilot in and had a pad and pen - but had the name of a local hospital that she admired - a place we had in common both personally and professionally. She was pleased - said she was and acted pleased. Said she would put it to good use (she didn't have a Palm but it could be used in other ways too).
As sort of an anti-climactic to the story ... I'm glad I did. She never saw another Christmas - died from a serious illness the following year. One of the memories written about her by a personal friend was that she loved to give and receive gifts.
> Hi. I understand the "rough spots" in the relationship getting old (see my post above). But I think it does (or at least can) get better, be less intense, not as long in duration, with more good times in between... overtime, anyway. It's hard to remember the bad feelings aren't forever. It helps me to think of it in terms of moving in spirals, rather than circles. You don't necessarily come back to the exact same place, even though it feels like it, if that makes any sense.
>
> As for the gift... I have given a gift. It was a souvenir from my vacation. It was not expensive, but it was meaningful and symbolic (to me, and I think to him as well). And yes, it was accepted. And I didn't have to do the whole "talking about why I gave it thing", either. It was accepted graciously and that was that. Although I do think you can learn a lot from figuring out why you want to give it. But heck, if we are lucky, of course we want to somehow give back for all that our therapists do for us. Sometimes it just is what it is. I say talk through this rough patch. The part of you that wants to give the gift is still inside you, too. Good luck. I hope you let us know how it goes.
poster:Lonely
thread:378642
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/378980.html