Posted by DaisyM on May 27, 2004, at 20:04:29
In reply to Re: Update » Pfinstegg, posted by antigua on May 27, 2004, at 16:50:42
Oh Antigua, I just want you to be you too. I hate the word survivor, but I can see why people like it. And I don't want to be a victim either. I haven't found the word yet, maybe I won't.
I asked that question sometime this week: When will I be done with this? My Therapist said I will most likely get to the point where I can talk about it (at least to him) without it causing a complete meltdown but that it will proably always hurt. Since I can't change the past, I don't see it as a choice really, I have to work through it. Otherwise "it" wins. You know?
The first episode of touching I remember was when I was 7. It stopped when I was almost 13. But then he moved across the country and "abandoned" me. And I felt guilty because I was glad he was gone and I missed him terribly. Day/night feelings, Love/hate. I often think it would be easier in to many ways if he was dead as I try to work on this stuff. Our relationship for the past 20 years has been "OK" -- I think of him as two seperate people. And as far as my mother goes, I'll never tell her, I don't think. My Therapist brought that up today, what do I think she knew about and how did I feel about her? This is an extremely painful piece for me and since we have a 4 day weekend, I told him I wasn't ready to go there.
I'm sorry you are hurting so bad right now. I do wish we could all get together. On the other hand, it might be more honest to keep sharing this way. None of those pesky facial expressions!
Take good care.
Daisy
poster:DaisyM
thread:350498
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040522/msgs/351249.html