Posted by mair on April 2, 2004, at 16:43:43
I've done something incredibly stupid and now feel that I've backed myself into a corner. Several weeks ago I stupidly made a comment in therapy about something that I couldn't/wouldn't talk about. Obviously my therapist thinks it's important since I'm so averse to talking about it, so periodically she tries to work it into the conversation. The last couple of times I've seen her we've talked around this issue, but none of that has made me feel at all like I can open up to her. When I told her yesterday that I felt like I was backing myself into a corner, she spent alot of the session trying to convince me that my very slow pace was ok and understandable and maybe we could get at other stuff without addressing the forbidden topic. I keep trying to tell her that the forbidden topic is unimportant - but I'm sure she thinks otherwise.
Now I'm in a place where the ridiculous forbidden topic looms as large in my mind as I'm sure it does in hers. I stand back and look at this and it has become clear (very clear) to me that unless I open up, I have no where to go, and since I can't be as candid with her as I should be, I really have no where to go.
I just sent her a letter telling her I thought I had reached the end of where I could go with therapy. I feel crummy about it because we've also spent alot of time lately talking about how scarring it was that therapy with my last therapist ended prematurely and on a bad note. This is really unfair to her; I've been seeing her for 4+ years and she's been extremely patient and supportive. But this has nothing to do with her and I just don't see any way around it. I really wish I hadn't brought the topic up to begin with, but I did and it's lead to this.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:331846
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040402/msgs/331846.html