Posted by Karen_kay on February 25, 2004, at 7:30:25
I had therapy yeterday. I brougt candy for the children he sees. He commented on how nice that was. Now I'll end up bringing candy more often, as I usually bring it for him but say it's for the kids. And he usually eats it too. Now I feel bad for bringing him candy and disguising it as candy for children. But, that's another story..
We chatted. About shoes. About my sisters. About my friends. All about things I didn't need to discuss. And he didn't even realize it. Go figure.
And we tlaked about group, and the fact that I'm upset, as my real problems will be put on hold during that time, or indefinetely. He said that I may talk about my real problems during group. He seemed upset at my resistance to discussing it during group, and the fact that I was stating I wouldn't. I asked if I could lie during group and he said he would point it out. This isn't sounding very fun.
He didn't mention my father at all. Neither did I until the very end of the session. I had another nightmare. And I didn't sleep much the night before because I was convinced I would have one. I guess maybe I had one because I convinced myself I would?
So, I mentioned the fact that I had a nightmare and he was upset. He said I was trying to punish him for moving me to group. I just felt like what's the point in trying to fix something that won't get fixed.... So, I avoid and avoid, and pretend everything's ok... He interpretted my dream, seems like Bubba's a yellow rain coat now, according to my dream. I don't agree with his interpretation, but I didn't feel like arguing.
We had a completely non, possibly counterproductive session. And I came home and paced the floors. And I called him and Demanded a Do-Over. I guess I may as well try to deal with things as they come up. (Oh! I'm so difficult during sessoins!)
So Question, anyone with PTSD::: Will these nightmares ever stop? I have a feeling the issue is as "open" as it will ever get for a while, possibly years. He says that I will feel better the more I talk aobut it..... But, I just want the nightmares to stop. I've not had a problem with flashbacks, and I had just one. But, will the nightmares continue for the rest of my life if I don't talk about my dad anymore? Even though I have been, they're still there... And I never had nightmares before I started talking about him. Does anyone know? Karen just wants to have sweet dreams again.
poster:Karen_kay
thread:317446
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040225/msgs/317446.html