Posted by Karen_kay on February 25, 2004, at 17:04:41
In reply to Re: I asked for A Do-Over » Karen_kay, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2004, at 10:36:39
Dinah girl, have I told you I love you lately?? You had me at the "Ooooh I wish I knew him." comment...
The reason he avoided talking about my father, IMO, is because I fainted during the week while talking aobut it. I think he was trying to put the issue on hold, unless I brought it up. Whether that's the best course of action is debatable. But, I can see the harm in (basically) forcing me to discuss something that I am overwhelmed with. Guess his idea of "Think about it for an hour a day" was way off, just as I suggested to him....
As to the group, I'll not discuss it as I am avoiding that issue altogether,,, :)
Well, maybe I'll not avoid it for a second. I'm going to group. I know (For A FACT) I will not discuss my father, nor my nightmares as they too will give away *My Dirty Secret*... Now, not to sound like a royal b****, but in my head I'm thinking, HONESTY here folks, check it out! And don't hate me for being honest... But, I'm thinking, "This shouldn't have happened to me. I'm perfect, or at least on my way to being that. Now, if I admit to a GROUP OF STRANGERS that this happend to me, I'll be labeled in their heads as "The Girl Whose Father Molested Her." You can tell me it's not true, you can reassure me that they won't think that.... HOWEVER, from the outside you can't tell. I keep it together and I'll NOT be labelde that way. IT's too shameful for me to think that's how others will discuss me and see me... Think of this:
One of the members is at home talking with spouse. We'll call her Betty. Betty's husband David says, "How did group go today?" She responds, "Well, we talked about the girl who was molested and how she's not able....."
No, thank you. I'd rather be "The girl without a heart." or "The girl who doesn't communicate well." Or even "The Ugly Girl in the Corner" (Now, I'm not even entertaining the thought that I'm ugly or having problems with my self esteem, I'm jsut saying I'd rather be labeled and called Ugly than THE GIRL WHO WAS MOLESTED BY HER FATHER.... This will not happen...
As for BUbba, I feel that I'm serving his needs rather than my own. Hmmmm, now why in the world would that happen... BECAUSE IT'S MY PATTERN... Because I do it when I have sex with strangers, because I send my last few dollars to my sister if I need to. AND BECAUSE I ALLOWED MY FATHER TO
DO THE THINGS HE DID... HELLO!!! IT'S A PATTERN AND MY OWN STUPID THERAPIST IS AIDIG ME IN CONTINUING THIS SELF DESTRUCTIVE PATTTERN.... My own therapist.Well, now that you know how I feel about that, let's move on before I faint again....
I have my Do-Over MOnday and my regular session wednesday. I'll talk about my father on Monday and I'll talk about Bubba on Tuesday. He won't like what I have to say. He'll become defensive, as of course in his head he thinks, "I'm doing what's right. This will help her, ect.. As long as she talks aobut it, the secret is no longer a secret and she heals.." Obviously he doesn't realize that I'm very good at keeping secrets and protecting my image.... No, he does realize it. He's jsut doing what he thinks is best and what he thinks will help me... OBviously he lacks experience in this matter, as I'm KNOW myself and talking about it in front of a group of strangers is NOT what I'm going to do. I'm not being stubborn, I just want to protect my perfect image.... HA! It's not so perfect, now is it
?
poster:Karen_kay
thread:317446
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040225/msgs/317636.html