Posted by Joslynn on February 4, 2004, at 21:40:16
In reply to Re: OH NO BW thinking!, posted by Elle2021 on February 3, 2004, at 23:58:25
For the record, black and white thinking isn't just a problem for people who are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't have that, but I engage in black and white thinking a lot. It's a trait that a lot of adult children of alcoholics have. Actually, it's a pretty big component of so many issues.
So a lot of us are on the black and white channel, so to speak. You are not alone.
The idea of prince charming, or The One, is also a form of b&w thinking in our society. For me, my dad was often The Bad Man. The men in movies, fairy tales and books represented The Good Man. I grew up hoping The Good Man would come and rescue me. (still waiting...tapping foot...tumbleweed blows...)
And of course, most people are good and bad, but the idea of The Magical One was so strong in my head. The worst part is, someone who I thought was The Magical One was really a dangerous person, but masquered as something else.
I could go on and on about this...and crushes too. It has been a huge issue for me. Escaping into crushes, being really addicted to a person or at least to the fantasy of that person...ugh. It was my way of hiding the depression underneath the obsession. Search in google under love addiction or relationship addiction. It has definitely been an issue for me in the past.
What I was starting to fear was that in trying to cure the relationship that was hiding under, and part of, the unhealthy crushes, I would develop an unhealthy crush on my shrink, who was supposed to help me get out of that trap.
The crush part has lessened though. And it never had that obsessive quality that the others have. It could be normal transference.
I used to write pages and pages in my journal analyzing every bit of dialogue with my crushes. I don't do that with my shrink.
I find that dating real people in real life helps lessen the craving for fantasy, even though reality can dissapoint.
poster:Joslynn
thread:308879
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/309548.html