Posted by fallsfall on January 24, 2004, at 13:25:06
In reply to Re: A Long Time, posted by Karen_kay on January 24, 2004, at 12:21:06
Thank you all for your support.
I did know that he was telling me that I was asking too much of myself to be able to do it right away. But I think that I was mad about 2 things.
First, that I would assume that I was SUPPOSED to be able to do it right away. Why do I have such strict requirements for myself? If it were anyone else, I would have known that right off - why can't I see these things when it is me?
Second, once he told me it would take a long time why couldn't I calm down? Why was I still a nervous wreck 7 hours later? Why didn't his insight comfort me? I probably had some anger at myself for being so stupid. But I was wound up so much that day (from the time I woke up) - it was like nothing would be able to settle me down. Also, when he started to describe how therapy would work - we would be talking about something and "notice" that there was an element of the control issue in what we were discussing. This is so backwards from how I work on things - I want to TALK about the control and FIGURE OUT what to do about it and then DO it. (gee, maybe I want some control in therapy, what do you think?) I do believe that "the things that need to come up will come up", but I want to attack things head on and have a plan and a solution. His way just feels so out of control.
I also feel pretty stupid. My first therapy session (as an adult) was 9 years ago yesterday. Granted, I was in CBT for the first 8 1/2 years, but why is it that I haven't a clue how this beast is supposed to work after 9 years? after all the reading I've done? after all the talking? I don't like feeling stupid.
I guess I don't have to tell you that I'm feeling as good today as I did yesterday (but anything is better than how I felt on Thursday...).
poster:fallsfall
thread:304828
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/305024.html