Posted by DaisyM on January 23, 2004, at 22:58:32
In reply to A Long Time, posted by fallsfall on January 23, 2004, at 20:43:52
You tolerate it day by day by day.
Isn't it funny that we don't want to be in therapy forever but we don't want to lose our Therapists either? Hmmmm... More than once my Therapist has said, "it took you 42 years to get here, do you really think we can undo it in 42 days?" Intellectually I get this, but it is hard. I think he is also dropping hints here and there about what I should expect as far as length of time...a week or so ago he said, "think about where you were two years ago...and where you will be two years from now." Of course, I could be reading too much into it.
AND, why do we equate "long time" with "really bad."
I know for me control is sooo important, partly because I had so little as a kid, partly because I can keep things emotionally where I can handle them. My Therapist isn't asking me to give up control -- he is asking me to take emotional risks (same thing, IMO, but I "guess" I can try to see the difference). He totally gives me the control when we are talking about past things, especially the abuse, but when we are spending time on present-day concerns or stressors, he seems to have more to say about how I might approach this or that.
Is there an area of control that is particularly concerning? For you or for him? I'm sure you recognize that you are "just" protecting yourself from hurt. Can you figure out what you were so anxious about? What could he possibly have asked of you during a session that would be horrible? (I have my own list, BTW, I don't want you to think that I doubt there are things to be anxious about.)
I wish I knew how to get comfortable with less control too. I'm working specifically on letting people close to me. It feels impossible, just too dangerous and scary. Which results in this all engulfing, soul-searing loneliness. My Therapist says I'm making progress because I've let him in, at least part of the way. I'm sure you can see progress too. You said yourself that you were determined to work on it.
Don't you wish we could just push through it and be done with it? It is this starting/stopping, backing up, turning around and THEN moving forward that is really making me nuts!
Try not to worry about it all weekend. I'm doing the same. I think it is going to be a long couple of days.
Post. I'll help if I can.
poster:DaisyM
thread:304828
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/304861.html