Posted by DaisyM on December 12, 2003, at 23:07:25
In reply to Re: Karen's rant (this n's good), posted by Karen_kay on December 12, 2003, at 15:59:46
Karen,
So much pain...so much anger. It is good that you seem mostly angry at the right person. You DIDN'T do anything wrong. Of course you loved your dad. Like all of us, he wasn't all bad, or all good. It WAS terrible for you when he died. There is nothing wrong with missing him and hanging on to your good memories, even as you confront and deal with the bad ones.
I don't know the why -- I have wailed that same sentence myself. If I only understood why! My Therapist wants to know what that would change for me? I always tell him that I sometimes feel like I must have had some part in it -- instigated it somehow. He gets riled with me when I say this (which isn't scary, but somehow comforting) and tells me it is NEVER the child's fault!!! If I knew why, maybe I would't feel that way.
I worry all the time about what I might have done, or be doing, to my own boys. I think I've done a pretty good job with them but right now I just am not up to my usual "super mom" standard. I know it is the depression but I always try to do best by them. I always wonder what they'll talk about in therapy someday!
Celebrate your good grades and try to have a peaceful weekend. Finish your shopping. Can you do mine for me too? Be nice to yourself.
-D
poster:DaisyM
thread:288100
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031202/msgs/289282.html