Posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 18:57:26
In reply to I wouldn't (couldn't) tell him, posted by fallsfall on October 6, 2003, at 13:51:07
Hi fallsfall,
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. You're right; your therapist knew about the searching from the beginning, so I don't know why it would shock him now--or be any cause to abandon you.What did you mean when you said your other therapist abandoned you for searching? Sorry if I've missed a huge chunk, but I didn't know that was what triggered the end of the therapy. It seemed like you were aware that you were too dependent and realized you needed to get out of the relationship--maybe it was over a similar incident.
When you say you are searching--what exactly are you searching for? Just any information that will bring you closer to knowing your therapist? Details about their lives? And here's a bad question: do you ever find anything? I think it's perfectly natural to want to find things out about a person you have that much contact with--you're probably the only patient that admits it. There's so much shame around everything--now searching equals stalking or something because of the secrecy about it. And like everything else coated with shame and secrecy, it intensifies the compulsion. Do you ever ask him questions directly or doesn't he go there?
I'm glad you have a call into him. Good move. Please let us know what happens. I hate to sound trite, but maybe this is progress--and therefore very painful.
((((fallsfall))))
poster:kara lynne
thread:265991
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/266508.html