Posted by DaisyM on October 6, 2003, at 19:22:49
In reply to I wouldn't (couldn't) tell him, posted by fallsfall on October 6, 2003, at 13:51:07
Take heart! You are soooo not alone.
When, after almost 6 months, I finally told my therapist something I had never, ever told anyone...I flipped out(internally, silently) after the session. I felt like I HAD to keep tabs on him so that 1) he wouldn't leave me, and 2) he wouldn't tell anyone. Now, HOW I was going to do this was well beyond me (stalking seemed like a bad idea :))so I just stewed about it for several days and finally wrote a long email to him, which of course I wouldn't, couldn't send. But, I felt better.
I've read that there are primitive parts of the brain that will internalize experiences, even day-dreams in such a way that the body feels like they actually occured. It is a stress release technique...imagine doing what you want...in the way you want (tell him)...and it may bring some relief. Imagine the acceptance I'm sure you would get, not blame or judgement. Go back and read parts of In Session. It will remind you that everyone is apt to be needy and express it in different ways. Imagine yourself saying "I'm afraid of feeling better because..."
Sometimes I notice that I'm having a "good" day, no bad feelings, no pressing sadness. And then I think, "hmmm, wonder where they (those feelings) went, and when are they going to clobber me again." There are also parts of me that don't want to give up these feelings because I have spent most of my life ignoring feelings...just pushing through. Maybe you are wondering the same? Does feeling better now mean feeling worse later? Just a thought...
-D
poster:DaisyM
thread:265991
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/266097.html