Posted by Adia on October 5, 2003, at 2:45:02
In reply to More conflict with my therapist, posted by Tabitha on October 4, 2003, at 23:55:53
Hi Tabitha,
This sounds so confusing...I am sorry..
I agree with Hannah that 10 years is a long time to give up a relationship based on what has happened lately...
THere have been times when my T was pushing me and it hurt me terribly and I thought there would be no hope and I would lose the safety I felt in our relationship but in the end we managed to talk it over and I found out that even if the way she chose was not the right one, she wasn't trying to hurt me but had her reasons..and in the end I could work it out with her and then things went better and actually what happened brought us closer....
I think you should try to tell her how this is making you feel...that this confrontational style isn't helping you...
I would try to really talk this over with her again...till you two can work it out...
I guess I'd call and set up an appt but I would tell her I am not feeling well and I am feeling very scared because of the way things are going between us..or how I feel she's not so with me or is being hard on me...
THat's what I'd do...
I do believe it's a long time to give up now....
I went through some hard times with my therapist, in which I truly doubted if we were going to be able to work together..and those moments helped our relationship grow in the end even though I felt I was hanging by a thread when it happened.
I do hope that you can work this out with your therapist...
Maybe she's just trying to push you or maybe she's making a mistake ...and you are just not connecting lately ....I do hope you can work it out with her...
Let us know how it all goes...
sending you my support,
Adia.sorry if I didn't make much sense..it's 5 am here and haven't slept at all ... but wanted to reach out to you :-)
> Well I thought discussing the change in our sessions would mean a change, but the last session she was once again much more confrontational with me than usual. She's confronting me with things that I don't think are true. So I'm spending energy fighting those ideas, and losing faith in therapy, and in her. It seems like she's seeing me in an unfair negative way. She also said I'm doing self-destructive things as a way of acting out anger at her. All that does is make me want to stop being honest about the things she labels self-destructive. This is the first time I've seriously considered hiding things from her. I actually did tell a little lie, to hide some of that stuff, after she told me this theory.
>
> It's very confusing. If I accept what she says, I feel smaller and sicker. And guilty. That can't be a good outcome, can it? I'm so suspicious of any belief system or organization that wants you to think you have problems you aren't even aware of having, so you'll need them to cure you.
>
> I've always thought the answer to conflict with the therapist is always talking it out in session. But after I did, she said that being in the group was hurting our relationship, so maybe group wasn't good for me. Right now I feel like the group is helping me more than her, so I don't want to say anything to make her throw me out. It felt like talking it out made it worse-- and she didn't let up. She also just didn't seem to know what to do about the conflict. She asked me to talk about what it felt like to be mad at her. She asked me what I needed from her. Isn't that what therapists ask when they don't know what to do with you?
>
> This sounds really awful-- if this were someone else's story I'd think their therapist sounded pretty messed up and maybe unethical. I've been seeing this therapist ten years and had complete trust in her. Nothing this bad has ever come up before, so it's hard for me to accept that it's happening.
>
> I've trusted her to the point of accepting her view of me and other people over my own-- I assume her judgement is better where emotional issues are concerned. I realize that's a big trust to give someone, but it seemed safe til now. Now she's telling me things I don't think are in my best interest to accept-- and that just make me think-- how can she think that of me? Doesn't she know me any better? And why is she being so hard on me? Especially when the confrontational approach clearly isn't helping.
>
> It really seems like she has some personal issue with me. But how can I ever know?
>
> The other odd thing. At the end of my last session, we forgot to set up my next one. I don't have a regular time slot at this point-- I've been hopping around to fit her schedule. We've been setting it up at the end of every session. So as of now I don't have a next appointment. I don't even want to call to set one up.
>
> I wonder if it's just time to leave. Of course I always thought I'd terminate once I'm all fixed and happy and healthy and don't need any more therapy. That's definitely not where we're at.
>
> Is it possible I could have 10 years of therapy and then the relationship could just quit working?
poster:Adia
thread:265641
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/265666.html