Posted by Dinah on September 20, 2003, at 19:51:47
In reply to Re: Feeling disconnected from my therapist » Dinah, posted by Pfinstegg on September 20, 2003, at 0:05:28
> Hi Dinah.. I, also have gone through periods of feeling detached from my analyst. From what I have learned, I have a form of DID- not multiple personalities, or any time unaccounted for, but inside me there is a very lonely, angry, distrustful little girl, which I try very hard to keep hidden. When the better-functioning part of me is relating to my therapist, the connection is there, and I feel that we work together in ways which are meaningful and helpful, and even fun!. But when that other self-state- the very wary and distrustful - and damaged- little girl is more predominant, I begin to feel that I don't want to even engage in therapy at all, that I don't know whether I trust or even like the same therapist that I was feeling so thrilled to have when my better-functioning self-state was the one relating to him.
>
I have a similar internal dynamic, but the emotional, young part of me is what is intensely bonded to my therapist, and trusts him completely. And the mature more rational self that I show the world is vaguely bewildered by what on earth I'm doing there and how talking can help. And horrified by the time and expense. :)I do think I may be in a vaguely dissociative fog, but it's a nice soft comfortable fog. And I'm doing ok in functioning. So, since I'm not getting a lot from therapy right now, I figure maybe I just ought to wait until I need it again.
Or maybe that's just the sensible thought. Maybe the less sensible thought is that it hurts to see someone I'm usually attached to and not feel any of the usual connection. It makes me feel kind of lonely.
But on the other other hand, Lonely's post about the death of a therapist actually made me feel something for the first time since I shut down. So maybe I will have something to talk about if it lasts. I'll give it at least another week and see what happens.
I have found myself strangely reluctant to think about this too closely....
Pfinstegg, it sounds as if we face some of the same challenges in therapy. I would really enjoy exchanging experiences. If you ever feel like emailing me, my email address is in the FAQ's of this site.
Thanks everyone. I'm going to let your thoughts seep in as I'm ready to consider things a bit more.
poster:Dinah
thread:261630
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/262040.html